


Inspired but Too Tired

by ArtlessThief



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Character Development, Consensual Sex, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Healing, Internal Conflict, M/M, Marijuana, Minor Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Praise Kink, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, Violence, its background, the major charcter death is kenny and he comes back so like, vague reference to ghost adventures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 00:25:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16439678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtlessThief/pseuds/ArtlessThief
Summary: "Butters jumped like he had gotten lost in space, but recovered instantly, smiling brightly. “Oh! Yeah, I wanted to know if you would like to go on a walk with me. I also brought you something!” He said excitedly. Kenny watched as he reached in to a backpack and pulled out a pink shoebox.He didn’t. Kenny’s eyes were wide as he opened the box. Maybe the high was making him overdramatic but when he saw brand new sneakers in Karen’s size he almost sobbed at the gesture. He looked back to Butters. “They’re new.”“You had mentioned it and wanting to hang out so I figured she could try them on and if they don’t fit, you could come with me to get the right ones.” He had a blush on his face and was smiling like he was hoping this was alright. "(Or the one where Kenny goes through a lot of shit and has to learn to deal with feelings, trauma and relationships)





	1. Reputation is an Idle and Most False Imposition

Kenny stares at the steady stream of smoke that slowly escapes his mouth and floats up to join the gray cloud that’s slowly filling his room. He wonders, distantly if the shouting voices from the next room are this muted because of the high or if the walls were suddenly thicker, expanding with every bubble of the bong in front of him. 

The teenager is startled out of his thoughts by a gentle knock on his door. He rushed out the last of the smoke in his lungs and pushed the piece between his frame-less bed and a cardboard box that acted as a nightstand. 

Karen, his little sister, pokes her head into the room. “Kenny?”

“Hey, Karen. Whatcha need, kiddo?” 

She wrinkled her nose at the name but entered the room anyways. “They’re fighting again..”

Kenny sighs. “They’re always fighting.” He says, but pats the spot beside him nonetheless.

The girl pads over and plops next to the older boy. She leans against his side and he wraps an arm around her.

“You were smoking.” She says. 

“Yeah.” Is Kenny’s only response, because he knows it reminds her of their parents but it’s just something that he does. It helps.

Karen yawned and asked “When do you think they’ll stop?”

Kenny looks at the cracked alarm clock near the bed. “Soon.” He mumbles even though he knows it’s a lie, but it’s late and he can tell that she’s already falling asleep next to him.

When she finally nods off, he puts her in his bed and wraps her in his thin comforter in hopes it’ll keep away the chill that comes with having no electricity in Colorado winter. 

He decides that he’s not sleeping tonight and climbs out his window, making sure to close it as tight as possible in another attempt to shield Karen from the cold. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his parka and starts walking down the empty street. He scowls at the ruins of “SodoSopa” as he strolls. 

Seriously, fuck Randy Marsh. Kenny thinks, at the same time wondering where he should go. He’s got about six hours until he’s gotta be back to make sure Karen catches the bus. Who the hell would even be awake right now? He contemplates just knocking on his friends’ windows to find out who would be willing to join him but that would take forever and would only result in sleepy middle fingers. 

I should get a job. This would be a lot easier if I had a phone like every other seventeen-year-old in this town. He rants mentally as he pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. 

A blaring horn has him almost dropping his lighter as a white pickup screeches to a stop next to him. Huxley leans out the open window with a joint in his hand.

“Hey trailer trash! You lookin’ for a little extra cash?” He asks loudly.

Kenny rolls his eyes. “Not from you, asshole.” He responds with a scowl and continues walking, taking a drag from his cigarette. Huxley drives to match his pace.

“Goddammit.” Kenny mumbles and walks faster. Huxley speeds up too.

“Come on, there’s only one reason someone like you is out at this time. I’m just tryin’ to help you out.” 

“Dude, first of all, I’m not a prostitute and secondly I’m not in the mood to help you satiate your gay tendencies so you can pretend to be straight in the daylight like some kind of sexual orientation werewolf.” He says and slouches his shoulders guardedly, almost running at this point.

The truck suddenly turns in front of the orange clad teen who is halted and stumbles back a little because what the fuck that could have killed me.

Huxley looks at him and smirks as be opens the car door. “Listen, McCormick. You may think you’re hot shit, but everyone knows you’ve banged half the school; girl or boy. You’re the school slut, so that means you can get me off no questions asked.”

Kenny is backing up now because Huxley keeps walking towards him and he honestly wants nothing to do with this prick. “Didn’t you just call me trailer trash and a slut? And you seriously want the school to know you did gay shit with both those things? I know Bebe, man. Shit spreads like wildfire.” He says trying to keep the bubble of fear from his voice. He’s thinking of ways out of this. Run? Find a way to off himself so he can just wake up in bed the next morning? Fight? Kenny’s a skilled fighter but he’s kind of small and underfed whereas Huxley is on the football team and looks like he belongs on a can of green beans. He also saw no easy access to anything deadly. Looked like the first option.

Kenny turned and broke off into a sprint but was yanked back by his hoodie in seconds. He was forced to his knees in front of the larger boy.

“Blow.” He says. At least I got high before this. Kenny thinks as he begrudgingly obeys.

 

After shoving his fingers down his throat to try and rid himself of the disgust he felt, and walking to get some groceries with the $40 hastily thrown at him from the pickup window, Kenny trudged back to his house to shower and scrub his mouth clean with ten minutes of a toothbrush and a few mouthfuls of mouthwash. 

When it was finally time to wake Karen up, his mood had definitely taken an upward turn, since, by then, both his parents were off to their respective jobs. He started breakfast and threw back on his clothes from before along with his parka. 

Karen squealed when she walked into the kitchen to see Kenny over the stove and the smell of pancakes filling the air. “We have pancakes?!”

“I couldn’t sleep last night, so I went out and got the mix. They’re your favorite, aren’t they?” 

Karen nodded quickly. “But where did you get the money for it?” 

Kenny ignored the pang of disgust at the memory and grinned at his younger sister. “I’m your big brother, if it’ll make you smile, I’ll make it happen.”

She laughed and thanked him around a mouthful of pancakes. Kenny just kissed her head and handed her the lunch he packed her. “Make sure you’re ready to go in ten minutes and I’ll walk you to your bus stop.” 

Karen ran off to get ready and Kenny got started cleaning up the mess and the evidence. If his parents found out he had fed Karen and not the whole family, he was sure to get a drunken earful. As he washed the pan he had used he couldn’t help but think bitterly, that he wouldn’t have to feed Karen if they would act like her parents and do it themselves. They wouldn’t even go to the damn food bank because his father was too prideful saying they ‘didn’t need it’. It was obvious that they weren’t going to change, though. One of their kids had already moved out at nineteen and they still haven’t realized that they set him up for failure. Within a month of Kevin moving out, he got arrested for possession with intent to sell. Not that his parents noticed. 

Kenny came out of his angry thoughts to see he had been furiously scrubbing the same spot for at least a few minutes. He sighed and just threw the rest of the mess in the already cluttered sink. 

When he got to the door, Karen was lacing up her sneakers. She’d had them for a few years now and Kenny was certain they were getting to be too small. As they left the house and began walking he said.

“Karen.” 

“Yeah, Ken?” She looked up at him and only shook a small bit from the cold. 

“What size shoe do you think you wear now?” He asked and watched clouds puff out in front of him from the heat of his breath. 

“I’m not sure… probably a size larger than these. They’re pretty tight lately.” She said this with a shrug like it wasn’t very important.

“Damn right. I bet people are trying to trade their ‘Jays’ for them huh?” Kenny said looking at Karen sideways and smirking.

She looked back at him confused for a moment before erupting into giggles and smacking his arm. “You’re the worst!” She hiccupped out.

Kenny chuckled a bit when he responded. “Hey, you’re laughing so clearly my jokes are pretty tight too.” 

“That’s not even a cool word anymore! You sound like an old man!” Karen squealed as they got to her bus stop. “Thanks for walking me, Kenny.” 

“Have a good day, Karen.” He said as she hugged him goodbye. He made sure to check the number on her shoes before walking the last block to the high school bus stop. 

As he approached the bus stop he couldn’t help but feel like he was stuck in a time loop because the first thing he saw was the guys standing the same way they’ve been waiting together since first grade. He felt his mouth quirk into a smile under his parka when he heard the familiar bickering.

“Hey Kenny, how’s the cardboard box this morning?” Cartman asked, mispronouncing his name in that whiny way he always did. 

“I slept well, probably better than you did next to the revolving door of your moms’ bedroom.” He responded in a chipper voice.

“Aye! Fuck you, Kenny!”

“I’ll pass. I may sleep around but I do have standards.”

Kyle cut off Cartman, who was red in the face from anger. “Holy shit, Kenny, you’re talkative today.”

“And saltier than a ramen noodles flavor packet.” Stan added.

Kenny just shrugged as Kyle resumed his argument with Cartman. He was actually in a pretty good mood this morning. 

He laughed as Cartman launched into a rant about how his mom was abusing him because she wouldn’t buy him the Nintendo switch. Honestly he wondered how Cartman was going to survive once he moved out. Or when his mom died, if he didn’t move out. He is so not jealous of Miss Cartman. 

The bus screeched to a halt in front of them. Their bus driver was no longer a screaming middle aged woman, but a man who was so old he looked like he was going to croak at the next stop sign.

He climbed onto the bus and looked to see where the available seats were. Cartman took up a whole seat by himself, not like that was an ideal option anyways. Stan and Kyle sat next to each other. The next seat Kenny saw was next to Butters so he plopped down next to him. 

Butters pulled the earbud out of the ear closest to Kenny and smiled. “Hey, Ken!”

Kenny pushed his hood down so he could smile back at him. “Hey, Leo!” 

A light pink rose to Butters’ cheeks but aside from that he didn’t acknowledge the nickname. “I saw you walking around really late last night. What were you up to at that time?” 

Once again, Kenny pushed down rising nausea and mentally blamed it on motion sickness. He shrugged casually, “I went to get breakfast stuff. You saw me though. What were YOU doing up that late?”

Butters smile turned a bit tired as he said “I’ve been grounded all month and I was getting really stir crazy. Had to sneak out and get some fresh air, y’know?”

Boy, did he know. “Yeah, I feel you.”

“So what did you make for breakfast?”

Kenny was a bit surprised. He knew it was just small talk but no one ever asks him those kinds of simple, domestic questions. If anyone does talk to him, it’s usually questions of ‘How high are you?’ or ‘How’s the cardboard box this morning?’. It was oddly refreshing. It made Kenny want to talk more.

“I just made my sister some pancakes. They’re her favorite.”

“Really? They’re my favorite too! It’s so sweet of you to make her breakfast. My parents won’t let me use the stove.”

“That’s crazy, dude. You’re seventeen. How are you supposed to know how to cook once you move out?”

“I guess I’ll just take classes or YouTube it or something. It can’t be that hard can it?”

“I could teach you.” Kenny said without thinking.

“Really? I couldn’t ask you to do that. Plus, I’m grounded so I’m not sure when we could even do that.” Butters said, sweetly. Something about him made Kenny’s heart ache in a way that made Kenny want to protect him fiercely. Not in the same way that he wants to protect Karen. More mutual maybe? It’s weird. Not like he doesn’t hang out with him and the guys often. He was pausing for too long.

“Well, when you get ungrounded, my offer still stands.” Butters’ responding smile was lopsided and genuine. 

One had to hand it to Butters. He was absolutely the most genuine guy Kenny had ever met. It was comical.

The bus jerked to a stop and everyone tried to simultaneously cram themselves into the aisle to get off. Ha. Get off.

Kenny waited for it to be less uncomfortable to stand and then stood, stepping back to allow Butters in front of him.

Butters walked with Kenny and the rest of the guys to their lockers. They were all near each other because they were assigned by grade. 

Kenny leaned against the locker next to Butters and continued to talk to him as he dug out his books for the next class.

“Hey Butters, do you know anywhere I can get some reasonably priced shoes?”

Butters thought a moment. “I’m not sure. Why? Do you need some? You could have some of mine.” He instantly offered.

“Nah, man I don’t like handouts. They’re not for me anyways. Karen’s are getting a little small on her.” Kenny explained.

“Hm, what size is she? I could ask my mom where she gets hers.” Butters quickly took out a sticky note and wrote the number Kenny told him. He was about to thank him when he heard a voice that made his skin crawl.

“Hey, McWHOREmick.” Kenny’s smile instantly dropped as a heavy hand landed on his shoulder. “How’s turning tricks? Business must be slow if you’re hitting up this fag.” Butters visibly cringed.

“Have a good one, Leo.” Kenny said quickly and shrugged the hand off his shoulder to powerwalk to his first hour. When he heard footsteps and a teasing voice follow he threw his hood back up and turned a corner sharply. 

There isn’t much Huxley can get away with at school, but that doesn’t mean Kenny wants to be reminded of his presence. 

Kenny arrived at his first hour early.

 

By the time lunch rolled around, Kenny had mostly forgotten the Huxley thing. That is until he got to the cafeteria and saw him sitting in the very middle table. He couldn’t walk anywhere without being seen by him and though that didn’t mean he would do or say anything, it filled his stomach with anxiety. 

He had to buy lunch today, but there was no way he could wait in line without having to wait near the middle table. Fuck!

Kenny made his way straight over to the table Stan and the guys were sitting at.

“Wow, Kenny. Too poor for lunch today?” Cartman instantly started up at the empty-handed teen.

“Shut up, fatass.” Kyle instantly responded. At this point it was almost a reflex.

“I’m just waiting for the line to go down.” Kenny said as he sat down next to Stan. 

Eventually the line to get lunch was gone and Kenny still had not gotten up to get food. He was hoping this would go unnoticed, and it did, to everyone except the one sitting across from him.

“Aren’t you hungry, Kenny?” Butters spoke up. 

Damnit. Everyone at the table looked over at him, some curious, some concerned. 

“Do you want my snack or something?” Kyle asked, holding up a rice krispy. Kenny shook his head quickly, suddenly feeling all the eyes on him add to the weight in his stomach.

“I have extra lunch money if you need it.” Token added.

“No it’s fine, I have lunch money. I’m just a little nauseous right now.” Kenny said quietly, hoping that would get everyone to move on.

“You could get something to save for later when you’re feeling better.” Stan added.

“He just doesn’t have money, you guys. He’s poor remember?” Cartman butt in.

“Shut the hell up, Cartman!” Craig, Token and Kyle said at once.

Kenny slammed his lunch money down on the table, the loud sound shutting everyone up. “I’m just a little sick, aright.” He said through gritted teeth. “Now drop it.” 

Everybody fell silent. Kenny felt kind of bad for snapping at them. They were just worried about him, but god, he didn’t want to explain why he couldn’t walk towards the lunch line. If he tried to walk around the room it would be immediately obvious that he was avoiding Huxley, and something in his gut told him that that would only make the situation worse.

“Do you want me to walk you to the nurse?” Butters asked.

Kenny’s words were still clipped. “No. I’m fine. Thank you.”

Everyone was quiet again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kyle asked.

“You know what!” Kenny stood abruptly. “I’ll go by myself. Don’t worry about it you guys.”

He started to walk away but about five steps in he saw Huxley stand and start heading his direction. Kenny instantly turned back towards the table.

“Actually, I would love if someone could come with me. Please.” He said hoping how desperate he was didn’t show in his face or voice.

Butters nodded and stood up. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. You look pale.”

Kenny gave a small sigh of relief as they walked towards the cafeteria doors. However, it was short lived as once they were in the hall, Huxley followed. He looked casual, like he happened to leave at the same time as them. This did nothing to quell the panic that’s been festering in Kenny’s insides. 

Butters must have sensed this because he glanced at Huxley and looped his arm with Kenny’s pulling him a bit quicker. 

The office was relatively close to the cafeteria and Kenny never thought he would be so relieved to see the high schools bored, unqualified nurse. She looked up at him from her desk, expression unchanging. Kenny briefly considered trying to get sent home but he knew he wouldn’t be able to act that well and really, there was no reason for him to not go to his last few classes. 

Kenny realized the nurse was staring at him expectantly but continues to just stare, not knowing what to say.

“Um, Kenny was looking really pale during lunch and he said he’s feeling really nauseous.” Butters explained for him. 

The nurse sighed and pulled out a water bottle and a sleeve of saltine crackers. “Take these and go sit down.” She gestured to a plastic bed with paper on it. Kenny sighed and sat, tearing open the crackers. 

“Do you want me to stay for a while or should I leave?” Butters asked, twiddling his thumbs as he stood in front of Kenny. 

“Oh no, you can sit with me, dude.” Kenny said quickly as he scooched over. “If you want.” The paper crinkled under him as he got comfortable and Butters sat down.

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re forced to hang out with me or anything, you really seemed like you didn’t want anyone to bug you.”

“It’s alright, Butters. I like when you hang around.” Kenny said as he shoved crackers in his mouth. Contrary to his own words, he was actually really hungry.

Butters cracked a relieved smile. “Well, Geeze, I’m glad to see you’re feeling better. I was worried that you weren’t eating.” 

It was silent for a bit before the nurse sighed and said “If you’re feeling better, go back to class.”

Damn. Kenny was enjoying the comfortable silence he was sharing with Butters. He took the crackers and water bottle with him when he left. 

The two walked slowly side by side. They happened to share their next class, which also happened to be Garrison’s class. How he managed to keep his job after the whole president thing, let alone follow them up their grades, was a mystery. Still, neither of them were eager to go to a history class.

“So, are you planning on getting some air tonight?” Kenny asked.

Butters smiled. “I’m not sure. There’s not much to do when you’re out alone at night.”

“Well I was thinking, if you get bored while you’re out and about, you could always pop by my place. Preferably my window, but I’m almost always up late.” Kenny tried to say as casually as possible. This felt weird. It wasn’t like him to be unsure of how to invite someone to hang out. It was especially strange that he couldn’t think of anything he actually wanted to do. He just really wanted to continue spending time with Butters.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Laughed Butters, pulling Kenny to the surface of the confusing thoughts that threatened to drown him. 

“Cool.” Kenny said simply.

All through his classes, Kenny couldn’t focus on the lesson. Not that he usually could, but he kept ending up in this loop of things he was trying not to think about. When he first sat in his desk he was still thinking about this weird attachment to Butters he was getting. How calming his presence was, how normal it felt to talk to him. Which is expected, he guesses, considering they grew up together. But he feels like he can just tell him things that he would never tell others. Then he gets into this overanalyzing state of this is different. I’ve never felt this way before. Shut the fuck up. That’s so cheesy. Kenny tells himself to stop fantasizing about that fairy tale shit. 

Then, as soon he thinks about things he shouldn’t think about, the whole Huxley thing pops into his head. Which is… honestly a whole other beast. The more he thinks about it the more he wants to get high on the first thing he can find. He just never expected something like that to happen. He thought he’d fight back harder or… something. It was only last night but it feels like he forced it years away. It could’ve been worse he tells himself. I’m fine. I’ll just put it out of my mind. 

Butters leans over and asks if he’s alright and it gets Kenny off on that tangent again. Then he can’t escape the memory again. His heart just keeps fluttering and dropping into his stomach. He felt like he was gonna puke again.

When the bell finally rang to leave school he almost moaned in relief. This meant his friends would bicker or get into some crazy shit and that would certainly distract him from the mental meltdown he was having.

Everyone went to Stan’s house to play video games and watch some action movie the guys were all really excited about. Kenny wasn’t sure what it was, he didn’t see many commercials. However, it perfectly did the trick of distracting him from his thoughts. Mrs. Broflovski ordered them pizza and wings. Aside from having to wrestle his wings away from Cartman who claimed he deserved them all, dinner was fun as well. It wasn’t until him and Cartman left Kyle’s house, Stan opting to stay the night, did Kenny plummet back into his thoughts. Him and Cartman left separate ways and walking alone, at night felt eerily similar to the night before. 

Kenny felt like he was constantly looking over his shoulder. Every time he saw headlights or heard a car engine, he flinched. It felt like he was in a horror movie with the tense music playing in anticipation but nothing was happening. Kenny thought he was going to have a heart attack. By the time he got home and into his room he was hyperventilating. 

Maybe he should’ve told someone. He went home and acted like it didn’t happen and now he couldn’t escape it. Should he go to the police or something?

Kenny shook his head hard and reached for his bong. He still had some left in the bowl, so, he shoved off his parka and searched for a lighter. If there was one thing there wasn’t a shortage of in his house, it was lighters. 

He lit the bowl and took the biggest hit he could. This was probably a bad idea considering he hadn’t given himself time to catch his breath so he couldn’t hold it very long before he broke out into a fit of coughs. 

The coughing made his head hurt and his body was in that jumbled transition mode between complete and utter panic and the heavy, happy calm of his high. He couldn’t figure out if he liked the feeling or not. 

As soon as he was breathing normal again, he put his mouth to the bong and lit the bowl again. He took a slow steady inhale, pulled the slide and cleared the chamber. He was able to hold this one and breathe it out shakily. 

The muscle memory and deep breaths were helping him get his breathing under control. People gave weed too much shit. It was incredibly useful. Maybe he was biased though, Kenny thought as he took one more substantial hit that cashed the bowl. 

He leaned back to sprawl out on his floor. Dirty bong in one hand and a white lighter in the other. He made sure not to tip the bong over and just sort of rested it on the ground near him.

Kenny’s mind was now perfectly fuzzy and he almost couldn’t remember if he still had bud in the bowl, let alone what he was smoking to forget. He giggled quietly and felt a chill in his feet and fingertips. His core was wonderfully warm, though, so he couldn’t be bothered to get the blanket off his bed. Actually, aside from his fingers, he was really warm. He took off his shirt and balled it up in his hands to wrap around his fingers. He gave another small giggle and resigned himself to just grin at his ceiling. 

This went on for anywhere from five minutes to an hour. Kenny couldn’t tell but he was just on the verge of falling asleep when he heard a light tapping on his window.

He sat up and looked out the window groggily. When he forced his eyes to focus, he noticed it was Butters. Kenny’s chest clenched happily as he stumbled to the window. He grinned wide and easy as he unhatched the window. 

“Hey, Ken!” Butters said a little breathlessly. He glanced down at Kenny’s chest quickly, then back to his eyes. “Aren’t you cold?” He had a light blush on his cheeks.

Kenny felt his heart seize pleasantly again. “Uh,” he huffed a laugh “I guess I am, yeah.” He retreated into his room and put his parka on over his bare chest. If he was being honest he was a little insecure about how far his ribs poked out. However, Kenny was still blazed out of his mind and that gave a certain edge of confidence that had his hips swaying and his arms hanging lazily. “So what’s up?” 

Butters jumped like he had gotten lost in space, but recovered instantly, smiling brightly. “Oh! Yeah, I wanted to know if you would like to go on a walk with me. I also brought you something!” He said excitedly. Kenny watched as he reached in to a backpack and pulled out a pink shoebox. 

He didn’t. Kenny’s eyes were wide as he opened the box. Maybe the high was making him overdramatic but when he saw brand new sneakers in Karen’s size he almost sobbed at the gesture. He looked back to Butters. “They’re new.”

“You had mentioned it and wanting to hang out so I figured she could try them on and if they don’t fit, you could come with me to get the right ones.” He had a blush on his face and was smiling like he was hoping this was alright. 

Kenny quickly hid his bong, which Butters politely pretended not to notice, and he crept to Karen’s room. She was still awake so he just put his finger to his lips and pointed to his room. She nodded and followed him back.

“You remember my friend, Butters?” He asked as soon as the door clicked shut. 

“Yeah! The nice one!” The two smiled brilliantly at each other. 

Kenny felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him.

“Well he brought something for you.” Karen opened the box and slapped her hands over her mouth to quiet the squeal she wanted to let out. “Now you really do have some pretty tight shoes.” Kenny added with a smirk. He was still really high but he was trying not to let it show. 

Karen ran up and hugged Butters over the window sill. Kenny saw him pass something else to Karen but was a little too overwhelmed and a lot too high to focus on it.

“Alright, kiddo. It’s late. Go to sleep and we’ll break them in in the morning, alright?” Kenny said softly after watching the too whisper excitedly to one another. She hugged Kenny tightly as well, before scurrying off to her room with the box tucked inside her hoodie. 

Kenny stood smiling to himself for a moment before refocusing on Butters. He cleared his throat. “So, you still want to go on that walk?”

After slipping on some boots he climbed out his window. Butters went to start walking but Kenny grabbed him lightly by the wrist. “Hey…”

Butters turned towards Kenny who threw his arms around his shoulders and hugged him tight. “Thank you.” He mumbled into his neck. Butters squeezed his midsection and he was so warm. They were about the same height and Kenny didn’t feel small. He felt comfortable and protected and honestly he was probably pushing the length of this hug but he really didn’t want to let go. Something more than the pot making him want to fall asleep like this.

Butters just hummed in reply and hugged him back. 

“So how much were they?” Kenny asks seriously.

Butters laughed and pulled back, holding Kenny by his sides. It made his heart squeeze like it could still feel the hug. “That’s information that only I need to know.”

“I told you I don’t take handouts.” Kenny said holding the serious tone. “I’m gonna pay you back.”

“It’s not a handout.” Butters said, looking Kenny in the eyes. “You’re going to teach me how to cook right? Favor for a favor. It’s a fair trade.” 

Kenny was still suspicious but decided to let it drop. “So what else did you give her?” He asked as they started walking. Their shoulders brushed.

“I got her a pack of fuzzy socks. The Christmassy kind with little grips on the bottom! They were on sale, I got myself some too. I was going to get you some too but I didn’t know your size. I also didn’t want to push my luck. I knew you were already going to be difficult about the shoes.”

Kenny scoffed. “I’m not difficult. I just like to earn what I get. I don’t like owing people…” Especially people who take advantage of others. Butters was probably the only person Kenny was sure would never have an ulterior motive, but if he made exceptions it raised questions.

“But you work so hard, Ken. You deserve so much more…” Kenny’s eyes shot to meet the other teens. They were so open and sincere. Kenny had to look away and the only response he could muster was a soft shrug.

“So… are you high? Like right now?” Butters asked. He didn’t sound accusatory, just curious.

Kenny felt compelled to answer. There was a soft buzz in his head and tingles in his limbs. “Yeah. Not as high as I was but still up there.” He grinned. Not as high as I wish I still was. But Butters was definitely helping him maintain that giddy feeling.

“So what’s it like?”

“Hmmm?”

“You know. Weed.” Butters asked trying for nonchalant. It was adorable if Kenny was being honest.

“It’s nice. Calm. Makes everything fuzzy. My body feels heavy but everything that’s usually nice makes me really happy. But that depends on the strain and the person and stuff. Everyone’s body chemistry is different. Why?” Kenny rambled.

“Just… curious. I guess.” He responded, looking at the ground.

“If you ever want to try it, you can just ask me. You want to make sure it’s a comfortable environment y’know? So it’s a good time.” Kenny said easily.

“Maybe when I’m ungrounded. Then one of us could stay the night. If you’re cool with that!” Butters added hastily.

Kenny smiled wide. “Sounds like a plan. Teach you to bake then get you baked.” He snorted at his own joke.

Butters laughed too but obviously wasn’t uncontrollable as he was sober. Kenny continued to let out little huffs and giggles.

“Kenny?”

“Mm?” He responded still breathless, eyes twinkling.

“Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” They stop. They were at the edge of town.

Kenny stares at Butters with a dopey, confused smile before he laughs out a small “No?”

“It’s a shame…”

“What do you mean? Aren’t girls ‘pretty’?” Kenny asked blushing so that he could feel the heat in his cheeks and Wow. This is definitely a new feeling. 

“Well, yes. But boys can be pretty too. Like it’s more than cute, more striking. Handsome isn’t the right word because it sounds awkward and forced and familial. Not hot because it just doesn’t hold the same connotation. Like objectively, yes, you’re pretty but also, you just, in general are pretty. You make hearts smile.” 

When Butters finished, Kenny couldn’t do anything but stare at him. “Sorry! That probably doesn’t make any sense and that probably sounded weird I-“

“No… I-“Kenny took a breath. “Thank you.”

Butters held his gaze for a second then gave a quick nod. “Want me to walk you home?”

“Are you sure? It’s kind of a rough neighborhood…” Even I don’t want to be alone. 

“Exactly. You shouldn’t have to walk home by yourself.” Butters said like it was obvious.

“Okay.” Kenny whispered. His high had all but worn off. His limbs felt a tiny bit like they were made of jelly and the air felt like it filled his lungs just a bit more. Honestly he couldn’t tell if he was giddy from the residual haze, sleep deprivation or from Butters. 

Their walk to Kenny’s was silent but comfortable. Kenny forgot gloves and his fingers were freezing, but he refused to put his hands in his pockets. He left his hood down too. He didn’t want to close himself off. Not from Butters. He had to soak up all that positivity while he could, he didn’t know when he would get his next fix. 

When they reach Kenny’s window the walk felt like it had both taken forever and been gone in an instant. He didn’t want Butters to leave. 

Kenny turned to face him. “It’s a school night.” 

“Yeah, we should probably get to sleep, huh?”

“You still have to walk home. You’re going to be tired.”

“It’s alright, it was worth it. I had a lot of fun. Plus, it’s only, like, two. I’ll get at least four hours.”

Kenny shifted on his feet. Then he hugged Butters, a near perfect reenactment of just over an hour ago. “Do your parents check on you in the mornings?”

Butters sighed. “Yeah, which is weird because they don’t even have to wake up until an hour after I leave. I guess it’s to make sure I’m home.” He laughed and Kenny felt it against his chest, felt the warmth against his neck. 

“Okay… well, come to school tomorrow. So I know you made it home safe.” Kenny said as he pulled away.

“Of course.” Butters assured as Kenny climbed into his window. 

“Don’t miss tomorrow.” He emphasized. As he started to close his window.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” With a nod, the other teen left.

Kenny was now alone. He laid in his bed and thought about packing another bowl, but figured it’d be a waist. He feels so good right now. 

As Kenny laid on his bed, he thought he would fall right asleep. But his mind was racing. He had never been the one to get walked home before. Honestly he’s never really been interested in wanting to be around someone so long. People get tiring. Overwhelming. But for some reason, the more he’s around Butters, the more he WANTS to be around him. Kenny wonders distantly if he should be concerned about these feelings. About his consistent discovery of new feelings as of late. All because of one blond boy.

Scary. Kenny thought. And it was. But not quite in a way that made him scared. He was starting to sound strange. He should go to sleep.


	2. Let Me be That I AM and Seek Not to Alter Me

Kenny woke up to the blaring of his alarm and almost thought he had a heart attack. He wondered briefly if he would wake up again today or if he would have to wait until tomorrow. Where does that time stamp cut off exactly? 

He shook himself and quickly got himself and Karen ready for school. He made sure to give her a poptart before they went out the door. 

Karen was practically strutting in her new sneakers.

Kenny laughed. “You like those, huh?”

She bobbed her head excitedly. “Butters, huh?” She mimicked mischievously. 

“Mm.” 

“So what’s up with that? I’ve never seen you so weird about someone.” 

“Agreed.” Was Kenny’s simple response. 

“Well?” She asked as her bus stop rapidly approached.

“I like him.” He said. “I’m not sure how, yet. It’s just different.”

“I like him too.” Karen said as she turned to hug Kenny goodbye. “What’s different?”

“The way he makes me feel. It’s complicated. Maybe I’ll try to explain once I understand it more.” 

“Mm.” Was Karen’s response as they pulled apart.

“Have a good day, Karen.” Kenny said over his shoulder as he walked towards his own bus stop. They had left a little earlier that day, just for the fresh air. It was late February, so the sun was starting to come up earlier. He and Karen enjoyed that. 

Kenny felt the hairs raise on the back of his neck, as if he sensed the danger before he knew it was there. Low and behold, a white pickup comes screeching around the corner. Kenny almost breaks out into a sprint in the opposite direction. Instead he just powerwalks in the direction of the bus stop, hoping to just make it to the corner. See the guys before the truck catches up. Have them see HIM. 

Just seconds from rounding the corner, the truck screeches to a halt next to him and a heavy hand grabs him by the shoulder. Maybe I should have run.

“Mcwhoremick! Fancy seeing you around this early.” It’s broad daylight. He won’t do anything. He’s just trying to scare you.

“Fucksley! Out in the daylight I see. I was beginning to get the vibe you were more team Edward than Jacob.” Huxley scowled and there were a few snarls from behind him. Kenny glanced past him to see two of his little minions. “But I can see you brought your pack. How’s moonlighting as a hetero?” 

Huxley grabbed Kenny by the shirt and held him at eyelevel, glaring at him. Kenny met his gaze with a glare just as angry. 

“Your bus doesn’t come for another twenty minutes McCormick, why so early?” Huxley ground out through a fake smile. He still had Kenny by his parka. 

“I want to hang out with my friends, a privilege clearly you don’t have.”

“Hm, are they expecting you this early?” Huxley asked with a predatory smile.

Kenny went to say yes but his eyes flicked to the side involuntarily, giving him away. No. No, his friends were not expecting him this early and really, Kenny struggles to get them concerned when he is expected. Goddamned death curse. 

“Time to make a buck, McCormick.” Huxley threw him into the bed of his truck and one of his packmates swung the vehicle into an ally.

“No! Fuck you!” He yelled as Huxley and his two goons moved to hold him down.

“That’s the idea, isn’t it McCormick?” They were beginning to tear at his clothes.

“Go fuck yourself! It’s broad daylight yoummFHMMMFFMMPH! HMMMMPH!” There was now a hand over his mouth. Kenny was getting overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t fight last time, so maybe if he fights now it’ll work out. However, his odds aren’t looking in his favor at the moment. 

Huxley starts unzipping his fly which Kenny doesn’t expect to be as terrifying as it is but he can feel bile raising in his throat and his eyes are burning. He’s not going to cry in front of these fuckers. 

But now there was a hand squeezing at the joint where his jaw connects to his skull and his mouth is open. Someone is kissing him, gross and unwelcome and he screams around the tongue in his mouth. It makes them pull away and clamp a hand over his mouth again. He can feel hands on him. On his thighs and-

“If you scream again I’ll slit your throat.” Suddenly Huxley has a knife at his throat. Kenny finds his out.

He screams against the hand to prompt them, but they’re high schoolers, they’re not going to commit murder, they’ll get life for that. Rape they can get away with.

Kenny focuses all his strength on freeing one of his hands and almost sobs in triumph when he frees his left hand just long enough to grab the wrist holding the knife.

Kenny’s eyes sparkle with delight and he smiles wide. When he locks eyes with Huxley, he sees the jocks eyes go wide as he watches Kenny slit his own throat without hesitation.

Now, just because dying was a better alternative, doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking SUCK. It had been weeks since the last time Kenny died and honestly, slitting his throat was not his way of easing back into the habit.

He woke with a start, first gurgling at the residual pain and tasting copper, then stumbling to his bathroom to vomit. 

Kenny groaned as he slumped over the toilet. He closed his eyes so tight he could see white. God, that was WAY worse than last time. He’s shaking and his last retch into the toilet turns into a choked sob. Don’t cry. Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry. Don’t. Cry. Fuck! The tears slip from his closed eyes and leave angry red tracks down his face.

He elects to take a deep breath and go to his room. He checks the time and it’s only about an hour after school starts. I guess that answers my question. He thinks to himself. If he leaves now he’ll only miss first hour.

He rinses his mouth and washes down whatever is left with a few gulps of vodka he found on the counter and Kenny goes to school.

The whole way he chain smokes because even though he’s got a new body or whatever, he can still taste his mouth. He walks faster. His mind is racing. Why am I going to school? I need something to focus on. He reasons. A normal day like nothing happened and then maybe it didn’t happen. You have to check up with Butters and the guys anyways. HE will be there. He thinks just as he walks through the doors and that thought alone almost makes him turn on his heel and skedaddle on out of there.

“Late again Kenneth?” Asks the office lady, right as he’s about to bail on South Park all together. 

He lets out a suspiciously panicked laugh and says “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Woke up late? Long night?” She guesses as she writes out his late pass. 

“You could say that…” Kenny responds as he takes the pass. 

He sat through his second hour, and his third hour in complete, blank silence. He didn’t think. He didn’t hear. He didn’t speak. Then lunch rolled around and he started to get a little more normal, if not quieter than usual.

“Told you I’d make it alright.” Butters said as he started walking next to Kenny, on their way to lunch. 

“You got me there.” Kenny says with a chuckle that only sounds a little forced. Butters doesn’t acknowledge this, aside from furrowing his brow for a moment.

They sit down at the table and Kenny starts really getting in the groove of things again. Maybe it was just the alcohol making him act weird. Somewhere in the back of his mind, though, he knows. He shoves that thought away somewhere deep and dark. 

He’s laughing with his friends and talking when Token bursts his bubble. Not on purpose of course, but he asks, very casually, “Too sick to eat again today, Kenny?”

The table looks at him expectantly. “Yeah.” Even more so than yesterday.

They look at him a minute longer before Kenny bursts. “I don’t want to talk about it okay? I’m not starving myself, I’ll have food on Monday.” 

“It’s Friday, but I’ll accept that answer.” Kyle says with his hands up in surrender.

“Why were you late?” Cartman asks. 

Panic spikes in Kenny’s chest again but he quickly smothers it and smiles tiredly. “I slept in. I was up pretty late last night.”

Butters gasps, “Oh Gee, Kenny, you should’ve told me if you were tired! I would’ve walked you home sooner.”

“It’s cool, dude. It’s not because of that. I had a lot of fun. I just couldn’t sleep when I got home either.” 

“Well I’m ungrounded starting tomorrow morning so once I’m done with the chores, I’ll head to yours?”

“Awesome, what do you want to learn first?” Kenny asked, excited to finally focus on something.

“Holy shit, are you guys fucking or what?” Cartman interrupts.

“No.” Kenny says, not particularly fond of the idea at the moment.

Butters continues, ignoring Cartman completely. “I was thinking something simple but universal, like pasta.”

“How about some mac and cheese?” Kenny suggests.

Butters nods. “That‘s what I was kind of thinking.”

“Sounds like a plan, but I’m warning you. I’m not exactly housewife material. I follow the directions on the box. Sometimes I know some pretty sweet poor people combos.” Kenny says, half joking.

“I appreciate any wisdom you can impart on me.” Butters said dramatically. “However, just because you’re not housewife material, doesn’t mean you’re not househusband material.”

Kenny stares at Butters, awestruck for a sec. Holy shit, he’s flirting with me. He didn’t even know Butters was capable of flirting and honestly, that was pretty smooth to start off with. Should I flirt back? He decides to just respond with what feels right.

Everyone was smiling and joking around him, but it fell silent and Kenny felt a presence approach behind him. He tensed immediately as he heard the ugly chortling. God just one fucking day would be nice. He can’t look at him. He hopes with everything that he has that he’ll just pass by with a shitty comment. Please.

And then white yogurt spatters all over Kenny’s parka. It looked disgustingly like-

“Whoops. Looks like someone missed your mouth. That’s pretty indecent, maybe next time you should swallow, Mcwhoremick.” Huxley said this with fake innocence. With full memory of what he tried to do this morning, and if Kenny hadn’t- God he wished Huxley still remembered Kenny looking him dead in the eye and killing himself. He almost contemplated doing it again.

“You son of a bitch.” Kenny mumbled lowly and rose from his seat. 

Huxley leaned in his space, as if he was trying to seem like he was looking for a fight. Well Kenny certainly was. He was looking for a reason to murder. And he wanted witnesses.

Kenny still had to avoid Huxley’s eyes when he said, low enough that he hoped only they could hear, “I would die before voluntarily touching you. I would die a hundred times before letting you touch me. Get. Your hands. Off me.”

Huxley reeled his fist back ready to punch, Kenny’s chin raised in challenge. Then they heard PC Principal burst into the cafeteria, as if sensing the disorder. He’d followed them to high school as well. “Break it up! Break it up!” Huxley had stepped back with his hands raised before PC Principal could organize a ‘get along’ therapy session.

Kenny, however, just continued to glare into the distance, even after he sat down at the table again.

As soon as Huxley left the cafeteria, it was like a switch was flipped, and Kenny was back to his old self. “So should we cook at your house or mine?” He asked Butters.

“Dude.” Stan said.

“Are you okay, man?” Kyle followed up.

“I’m great.” Kenny lied. “Just a little sick.” Lie. “Sick of Huxley’s shit…” Truth.

“Okay… You know you can talk to us right? Well anyone but Cartman.” Kyle said.

Kenny nodded and felt a little bubble add to the pressure. Him threatening to spill all the beans. He thought about telling them. Briefly.

Instead he said “I’ll let you guys know when I decide what to do about it.” Which he felt was just ambiguous enough to not be a lie, but not let them know that there’s more to the story. 

Life went on as normal. Except when he had to leave Garrisons’ class to vomit, but he just smoked a cigarette in the handicap stall and got back to class in under ten minutes. Butters might be onto him. He gave him a weird look when he returned, like maybe Kenny’s eyes weren’t as clear of puffiness as he thought. He knew he reeked like fresh tobacco, but that wasn’t abnormal, was it? He couldn’t remember anymore. 

No one wanted to hang out after school, mostly making plans for later in the weekend, so Kenny walked by himself back to his house. Slowly. Absently. Which turned out well because he found a twenty dollar bill on the ground. Which meant he could stop buy his dealer for two grams of sativa. He figured he didn’t want to get Butters tired, just a little silly. Michael was his favorite dealer because even though he was cynical, he always smoked him out from his personal stash and he always gives Kenny at least half a gram extra. Michael was a good dude. 

Kenny made his way home lazily. He was pleasantly high and had the means to maintain it until Butters came over the next day. He was on cloud nine. 

“Ha!” Kenny laughed out loud because pun not intended but that was great.

His walk home came to a screeching halt as he passed a certain ally. Suddenly he felt hands on him and his jaw ached and a gurgle started in his throat that cut off somewhere between a choke and a sob. Kenny shut his eyes tight and walked quickly past. He pulled his hoodie tighter around his head and pulled out his cigarettes with shaking hands. Last one.

“Fuck.” He whispered to himself before hastily lighting it with a strike anywhere match. He sucked a quarter of it down in one drag and breathed out his nose. Karen once told him he looked like a dragon when he did that. He cracked a tiny smile at the memory. He tried not to do anything in front of Karen, but she waited up for him and peeked through his door before he noticed her because “Kenny, the clouds are so pretty.” 

He agrees with her there. There certainly is something very pretty about smoke. It’s mes  
merizing. 

Kenny gave a short snort and almost dropped the cigarette from between his lips. Wouldn’t someone find it strange to describe smoke as pretty. Kenny felt his heart squeeze and his cheeks warm when he remembered Butters called him pretty. 

He shook his head and huffed another laugh. Me. Pretty. That kids gotta be on more drugs than I am. He’s trailer trash. The school slut. Nothing pretty about it.

Still, Kenny couldn’t shake the bit of warmth and confidence that stuck with him in his chest all the way home. He didn’t run into any white pickup trucks. 

Kenny didn’t get high again when he got home. Not right away at least. He hung out with Karen for a couple hours, talked about how her week was, if she liked the candy bar he snuck into her lunch yesterday. 

He left for Kyle’s house shortly after she started questioning him about his week. “You seem weird, Kenny. Like you’re in a fight with yourself.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Like you seem really light and alive now that you and Butters are hanging out more.”

“Mm.” Kenny nodded.

“But at the same time, it’s like there’s this darkness hiding in there. Like a black wave pool and each wave makes it feel like you’re gonna flood but you won’t.” He swears this kid is wise beyond her years. He’s convinced she’s lived a thousand lives.

“There’s a lot of darkness in this world, Karen. It’s impossible to avoid it completely.” He said truthfully.

She nodded and, a moment later, added a quiet. “You don’t have to hold it inside, Ken…”

He smiled sadly at her and kissed her forehead, announcing he had plans with Kyle.

That’s how he found himself walking to Kyle’s house. Not really sure why, but it had something to do with him saying Kenny could talk to him and Karen telling him not to hold it in. 

He knocked on the Broflovski’s door and was half expecting no one to answer. Kenny was sort of surprised when Kyle opened the door, looking relieved to see him.

“Hey, Kenny. What’s up, man?” Kyle asked. It was a casual question, but it felt loaded.

“Hey. You busy?” Kenny asked trying to sound casual as well but he could tell it was starting to show in his eyes that something was very wrong. 

“Nope.” Kyle looked at him expectantly.

“You know how you said I could, like, talk to you?” Kenny’s words stumbled out awkwardly. He probably should have thought up a way to bring it up on the walk over here. But it never goes how you plan it in your head anyways. 

Kyle nodded. “You wanna come in?” He asked as he opened the door more and stepped to the side. 

“Please.” Kenny followed Kyle up to his room. Kyle got bean bag chairs in his room sophomore year and they quickly became the squad Therapy Chairs. They plopped down across from each other, sinking low to the ground. There’s just something comfortable about it. Like there’s no expectations on a guy in a fucking bean bag chair.

“What’s up, dude.” Kyle prompted.

Kenny took a deep breath and his eyes clouded over. “I-“ He stopped as he forced down a huge wave of emotions, his eyes tearing up. Kenny let his breath out, shaky and slow, through his mouth.

The concern in Kyle’s eyes was growing exponentially but he remained quiet and patient. It was nice. Kenny didn’t feel like he was forcing it out of himself. Well, he was trying to force it out of himself but he didn’t feel like Kyle was. Which was nice.

“So I just. Actually… I don’t think I can talk about it. I’m trying.” Kenny felt a headache coming on from holding back tears. “God, I’m not high enough to even begin to think about this, let alone talk about it.” He whispers.

Kyle nods. “That’s okay. If you’re not ready to address it don’t talk about it. Can you talk about your feelings about it? How it’s affecting you?” 

Kenny nods back and takes another deep steadying breath. “So I had this situation… recently. Well more than one to be honest.” He started to get choked up, but he steamrolled forward at least getting out the bare minimum so Kyle had something to go off of. “And I just. It’s fucking me up in ways I could never even imagine. I mean, my thirteen year old sister put it best to be honest. She doesn’t even know anything about what happened. Like, I’ve got this… black.. wavepool inside me. And the waves keep getting bigger you know?” 

Kyle nods like he understands, maybe he does.

“And I’ve build, like this dam to hold it all back, to just block it and forget it’s there. And it’s creating this angry energy in this dam, you know, demanding to be addressed. The waves are getting bigger, and I know I need to let them out a little bit but, how do you lesson a tsunami? I feel like if I break the dam, I’ll get flooded. I’ll drown in it. So I just can’t bring myself to even look at it or acknowledge that it’s there. And whenever I see it crack or peek over the top I already feel like I’m drowning. I know I’m going to drown.” Kenny trailed off, almost losing the metaphor he was trying to make, To be fair, he never claimed to be a poet and it wasn’t his metaphor to begin with. “Sorry, that doesn’t make sense.” Kenny peeked back at Kyle.

Kyle thought for a moment and shook his head. “No, I think I follow you. So you’ve got this bad thing that you keep trying to ignore but it’s so bad that it’s impacting you psychological to the point where you can’t think your way out of it. This freaks you out because you’ve never not had control of these types of events. Therefore, you’re scared that because you’ve never experienced this level before, the damage will be permanent. Am I close?” Kyle explained calmly.

“Why are you so freakishly articulate? You could be a fucking politician.” Kenny said trying to lighten the mood.

“My dad is a lawyer.” He said with a hint of amusement. “Do you want my thoughts on this?”

Kenny nodded seriously. 

“I think you’re underestimating yourself. Obviously, this is some next level shit.” Kyle dropped the smart guy façade and Kenny cracked a smile. “I’ve never even seen you frown unless you were annoyed, let alone cry. I think you need to let this out. You’re so scared of the fallout, but once you open the floodgates, you won’t feel that constant worry anymore. I think this is going to permanently damage you. I can tell. But you can’t be afraid of that. The damage is done, Kenny. You need to give it room to heal. Even if you drown, I get the feeling this isn’t the first time you’ve experienced that.” Kenny’s eye twitched. “Just don’t rush it. When the damn cracks, let it crack. It’s okay to feel it Kenny.”

Kenny stared into the distance for a long while before responding with a small nod and a simple “Mm.”

“Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” Kyle asked.

“Butters probably.”

“Probably?”

“Well I don’t think it’s very important right now but it’s kind of been happening at the same time as this shit storm. I should probably get my thoughts in order.” Kenny said, eyebrows creased. At least this didn’t require him to be heavily medicated. It’s a good pick me up after that heavy shit. 

“Alright, man. Hit me.” Kyle said relaxing into his chair.

“Butters, man.” Kenny huffed a laugh. “Butters is something else. Like, I’ve never… felt this connection before? I have this overwhelming urge to just be near him. Sometimes he’ll say or do something that makes it feel like my heart is going to explode.” Kyle smirked. “I feel like I’m high, just being around him sometimes. I’ve never met anyone like him. I want to be around him. He called me pretty and he walked me home. I have never had someone walk me home before. When I told him Karen needed new shoes he just went and bought her some, and knew me well enough to make it a tradeoff for cooking lessons. He just has this thing where I’m so comfortable around him. It just blows my mind that I never once felt like he was judging me or disapproving of anything I do and it just feels so good.”

“You’re in love with Butters.” Kyle says mater-of-factly. 

“I’ve never felt this for other people I’ve tried to bang before though, so-“

“Kenny.” Kenny paused. “You don’t want to just sleep with Butters. You want a relationship. In fact, have you thought about banging Butters at all since all this shit started?”

Kenny shrugged a shoulder. “Kinda, like in the back of my mind, but it has a lot of feelings mixed up with it and I’ve kind of been actively avoiding thinking about sex since-“ Kenny stopped himself short and Kyle’s brow furrows. If he’s catching on he isn’t saying anything. Kenny was grateful. “It just involves way more feelings than I’m used to. I don’t exactly want to put him on hold but I don’t want to try and get at him in the middle of all this dark shit. So that’s where I’m at with that. Butters makes me really happy.”

“I think that’s a smart move, but don’t push him away. If he wants to be there for you through this, let him.” Kenny nodded.

“Thanks, Kyle.” Kenny said.

“It’s getting late, dude.” Kyle must have noticed the slight fear in Kenny’s eyes or he really had caught on because he says “My mom will give you a ride home. I’ll come with to drop you off.”

The ride was quiet, Mrs. Broflovski still in her night gown. He was thankful she was willing to wake up and drive him. I think she sensed the heaviness from the teens. She doesn’t get enough credit. Kenny thinks.

When Kenny gets inside, he doesn’t smoke. He doesn’t think too hard about the conversation he just had with Kyle either. He needed a break. He went in the living room and watched 'White Trash and in Trouble’.

 

Kenny woke up later than he expected to. On the ratty old couch of his living room. He rubbed his eyes and turned off the TV. 

The sun was high in the sky and when Kenny checked his alarm clock upon finally entering his room, it was just afternoon. He vaguely wondered where his parents were. 

So maybe he was a little overly excited for Butters to come over, because he could not find something to do while he waited. He thought about smoking but he didn’t really need to right now. He thought about trying to make a plan to address the Huxley thing which was quickly shut down. So much for not bottling it up. Guess easier said than done. Kenny ended up spending his time, sitting on his bed, bouncing his leg trying to think of what to do to pass the time. He was considering going to clean the house at that point when he heard a tap on his window.

Kenny whipped around and there stood Butters, outside his window, in daylight. Which honestly, shouldn’t be that big of a change, but backlit by the sun, creating a halo around his blond head. He looked like an incarnation of Apollo. Kenny thought of himself as more of a Helios than an Icarus. 

Kenny smiled big as he opened the window to let Butters in and his stomach jumped with excitement. Butters was also staying the night which meant he could get Butters high. Kenny had a weird giddiness about introducing people to weed or alcohol. He felt like a little tempter spirit.

“Hey, Ken!” Butters greeted happily.

“That’s Professor McCormick to you! At least until I’ve taught you how to boil water and periodically stir noodles.” Kenny said with mock authority.

Butters laughed. “We’ll see who’s the better professor. After all, I’ve got chaos on my side.” He winked, which, not that Kenny wants to admit it, made his face warm just a bit.

“Yeah, well, we’ll just see who has general survival skills before we get into some competition.” Kenny joked as he pulled out a pot, a stirring spoon and a strainer that had a few larger holes where the smaller ones broke. “Now, first things first, reading the directions is the surefire way to the highest success rate. However, the difference between cooking and baking is wiggle room. With regular cooking like dinners and stuff, you don’t have to be too specific with the measurements of ingredients. With baking, you need to be exact. You can’t just guess a tablespoon. Lucky for you, we’re just regular cooking.” Butters nodded and focused intently on what Kenny was saying. “Now this is how you cook almost any pasta. You’re going to fill the pot with water. Enough to cover all the noodles. This is important and it will probably take you a few tries before you get used to eyeballing the right amount. So, if you’re unsure, just add more water than you think you need. It’ll take a bit longer to boil but it’s better than having to start over completely.” Kenny had Butters follow all of the instructions himself, aside from verbal instruction and further explanation. He also showed him how to use the stove so he couldn’t burn his house down.

Soon enough, they were sitting on the floor of Kenny’s bedroom, eating perfectly made, if not a little al dente, mac and cheese.

“There you have it.” Kenny said as they ate. “An average starving college kids’ meal.”

They laughed at that and ate in comfortable silence. “Thanks, Kenny.”

“No problem, Leo. We should try proteins next. I mean I’m no chef but I can cook some proteins.” Kenny said absently.

“So do you like cooking?” Butters asked.

Kenny shrugged. “I don’t mind it but it’s not really a passion of mine or anything.”

Butters laughed. “Then why are you teaching me to cook?”

“Because, it’s an important skill and I like spending time with you.” Kenny said honestly.

They held each other’s gaze for a few seconds before they checked the time. It was still early evening. “Guess macaroni doesn’t take as long as I thought.” Butters says easily.

Kenny nods and grins. “Want to do some drugs? Well, one drug. One softcore drug.”

The other teen nods in response, with wide eyes.

“Relax, dude. It’s not hard. I mean the first few hits are; you are definitely going to cough. If you need to cough just do it. Just try to breath all the smoke out before you start or you could give yourself a headache. If you can hold it, you should. You’ll get higher faster.” Kenny explained this while he packed a bowl into his bong. He thought about digging out his pipe so it’s less intimidating, but the hits will be smoother with Old Bessie. 

Kenny looks over at Butters and for as nervous as he looks, he also looks completely determined to do this. Kenny smiles. “I’ll blow my hits in your face, and light it for you when it’s your turn.”

“Sounds like a plan, Stan.” Butters says cheerfully.

“I’m Kenny.” He responds with as straight a face as possible before losing it. Butters laughs too. “Okay, okay. Let’s get high so we have an excuse to laugh at shitty jokes like that. Do you want greens or do you want me to go first?”

Butters seems to think about this a moment before saying. “I think you’d better go first. So I can kind of watch how it works a little more.”

That makes sense. Kenny thinks and takes his hit. Deep and slow. He was definitely showing off a bit too, but his tolerance is probably way higher than Butters. Once he clears the chamber, he holds the smoke for at least ten seconds. Then he exhales out his nose.

When he looks up, Butters is mesmerized. Kenny giggles out the last little puffs of his hit. “I’ve had lots of practice.” He says.

“My turn?” He asks. 

“Your turn.” Kenny confirms with a huge lopsided grin on his face. 

He instructs Butters on where to put his mouth and when to breath. He watches, waits for him to pull away instantly, hacking up a lung. He doesn’t. He keeps breathing until Kenny pulls the slide, and he clears the chamber. At this point Kenny is suspicious if he breathed it right, but he sees his throat strain with the effort of not coughing. 

Butters lasts all of two seconds before he’s blowing out the smoke as quick as possible, his face crinkled with effort. Then he’s coughing but not like he’s suffocating.

“This is your first time smoking?” Kenny asks, just to double check.

Butters just nods while letting out little residual coughs. 

Holy shit. “Dude, that was a decent sized hit and you barely flinched. That’s…” Actually kind of hot. “really impressive for your first ever bong rip.” 

Kenny still has this confused and kind of awed face when he takes his second hit. He watches Butters watch him breath in and after clearing his second hit, he blows a few smoke rings in Butters face before letting the rest stream right at him. He didn’t realize when they got so close, but they were almost shoulder to shoulder as Kenny watched him take a deep breath at the smoke in his face. 

Kenny had that feeling of ‘going up’ and knew Butters would for sure feel it after this next hit. So, Kenny quickly adjusted to light the piece for his counterparts next hit.

Butters, unbelievably, took an even bigger hit than his last one and held it. Didn’t even cough as he blew the smoke into Kenny’s face. Who was slightly slack jawed with hooded eyes. 

A slow, lazy smile spread across Butters face and his eyes were noticeably pink.

“You blastin’ off?” Asks Kenny, excitedly. 

Butters gave a slow nod. 

“Yeah, man! We’re blasting off and this,” Kenny gestures to the bowl “is our rocket fuel.”

Kenny bursts into giggles at his own euphemism and Butters can’t help but be roped in with him. 

“Can I try to light my next one?” Butters asks between gasps.

“Hell yes!” Kenny was totally down for that. 

Kenny set up to take his hit real fast but Butters stopped him. “Can you do anymore tricks?” He asked hopefully.

“Like, with the smoke?” Kenny asked.

He was met with a nod.

He could French inhale if he took a big enough hit. “Yeah but I’m gonna get really, really stoned.” Kenny said, smirking before taking in as much smoke as his lungs could take. He turned to fully face Butters so he could see. Kenny licked his lips and brushed the hair back from his face, high Kenny unable to not make it as flirty as possible. He locked eyes with Butters and let the smoke drift from his mouth, back into his nose. His face was framed by tiny escaped wisps of smoke.

Halfway through he ran out of breath and exhaled the rest of it into Butters face. 

“How was that?” Kenny asked, his giggles of excitement creeping back into his voice. Butters blinked rapidly as if refocusing on the whole situation.

“Awesome.” He breathed as he reached for the bong and lighter.

Kenny watched, fascinated by how quickly Butters had picked up on the mechanic. Hooded eyes traced from the lighter, to the bowl, following the smoke up the chamber and watching his adams apple bob with effort as Butters took his biggest hit yet. He held it while he rested his head back against Kenny’s bed. Then just kind of let the smoke drift from his mouth.

“Holy fuck.” Kenny was really into this. So into it that he didn’t notice the bong being held out to him until Butters looked at him.

“Your turn.” He said with an easy smile.

“We can take a break for now.” Mostly for my goddamn health. Kenny thought. He was at very real risk of an awkward situation if this continued.

“Mmmm…” Butters agreed lowly. “I’ve never noticed how fascinating smoke is until now.” He drawled and wow Kenny might still be fucked because that was certainly a tone that Butters had never used before.

Kenny distracted himself with conversation. “Yeah… I was just thinking that yesterday when I picked up. I thought people would think I was weird but smoke is just so… beautiful? It just captures your attention and you get lost in it and it’s great.”

Butters thought for a moment, humming. “Like you.”

Kenny had matched Butters position at some point and turned his head to look at him. “What?” He laughed.

Butters turned so he was looking back at Kenny. “Like you. When I called you pretty. You’re pretty in the same way smoke is pretty.” Butters words were very subtly slurred and Kenny wanted to tell him shut up. That he’s high and he’s rambling. But he didn’t. Kenny wanted to hear. “You’re like smoke because you come across as dangerous or corrosive but you’re just so mesmerizing. You’re a source of energy and you don’t show it unless someone is looking really hard. You’re overwhelming sometimes but in the best way. You’re distinct and beautiful. Wispy, mysterious and you are sure and sometimes fleeting. I don’t know. I’m rambling but you’re like my own tarnished cumulonimbus and you blow me away.” Butters finished.

Kenny’s cheeks were prickling with heat and his eyes were wide. His heart was clenching uncontrollably and he literally thought he was going to die again. Which would totally kill the moment. Kenny racks his brain for a response to… to that. His inebriated brain spits out the first thing he thinks and if he wasn’t so high, he’d probably be crippled with embarrassment.

“Dude… You’re so stoned. I think you just made me fall in love with you.” He says in a daze. 

Butters grins at Kenny. Their heads hadn’t moved from their slumped position. “Now you know how it feels.” He says not breaking eye contact. “Can I kiss you?” Butters asks.

Kenny snorts and his head lolls back to look at the ceiling. “Ask me again when we’re sober.” There’s a long pause before he adds “Besides, you didn’t let me tell you how you make me feel…”

Butters’ head copies Kenny’s and they’re both lost in the popcorn ceiling when he says “I’m all ears.”

There’s an even longer pause and then Kenny is talking. “I’m not really as poetic or… as in tune with my emotions as you are, but I never said I was fuckin’ Socrates so…” After a deep breath, Kenny continues. “You’re so… different than anyone else I’ve ever met. You make me FEEL things. Like… more than just with my dick, which has honest to god, never happened before. It’s insane to me because I hate all that cheesy shit, but you manage to sneak in walking me home and calling me pretty and buying my sister shoes and it doesn’t even piss me off. When you do that shit it like, feels like you’ve got a hand around my heart and you’re squeezing it. But in a good way I think…” Kenny gets distracted by thoughts he’s been actively trying to escape. He huffs a sad laugh. “And you do all this shit without even once thinking to judge me or change me. Even if I’m trailer trash and the school slut.”

Butters gives a soft grunt. “It’s South Park. We’re all trailer trash. And where did that school slut thing even come from? I really don’t consider you the school slut. I mean gee, if it’s anyone it’s probably Bebe, no offense to her. Sure you have casual sex but it’s way less than Bebe, you’re just more open about it and frankly, I think you’re way safer about it. At least since you died from that STD in elementary school.”

“I think it’s also ‘cause I’m bi and the whole bis are sluts thing…wait.” Kenny’s eyes shot to look at Butters again who was distractedly gazing at the ceiling, still. “You remember me dying?” He all but whispered.

Butters gave a one-armed shrug. “Sometimes. I know it happens whenever there’s missing time. I started noticing after you shot yourself in front of Coon and Friends. I couldn’t shake this panicked, traumatized feeling.”

“Sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it. It helped me notice. That’s why you were late yesterday morning. You died, right?” Butters turned to look at him.

“Mm.” Kenny confirmed.

“How did you die anyways?” He asked, curious, not insensitive.

Kenny’s head lolled back towards the ceiling again. He closed his eyes tight and huffed a sharp, angry laugh. “I slit my own throat.” The sun was setting and the room fell into a dim, orange lit haze.

Butters’ eyebrows pulled together. “What? Why?” Not accusatory. Searching, Worried.

“If we’re going to go into that I need to get way higher. Are you sure you want to know?” Kenny asked as he slowly sat up, pulling the bong into his lap. 

“Mm.” Butters affirmed while Kenny rehashed the bowl.

It took three deep, silent hits before Kenny finally set the bong aside. “I haven’t told anyone about this so don’t go blabbing or anything.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Butters says seriously.

Kenny shakes his head and leans against the bed again. “Nah. Kyle says I should let it out. It’s not that big a deal.”

“It doesn’t sound like it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not. Huxley just-“ Kenny waves his hand noncommittally. He huffs and closes his eyes trying to force his way past his mental block. Trying to figure out a way to word this so it’s not so much like a bomb. Less for Butters but for himself. “He just, like, made me suck his dick…” His eyes squeezed tighter and he had to clear his throat before continuing. “Which, I mean, he gave me forty dollars so I guess he thought it was okay.”

“Dude. That’s not okay…”

“I’m not done.” Kenny cut off Butters’ quiet response. He rushes out the next few sentences in one breath. “So yesterday I’m walking to the bus stop and he tries some shit again, but this time he’s got two other guys with him. And they-“ His voice cracks and he needs to stop to take a shaky inhale. He blinks quickly ignoring the tears that have started to creep down his face. With a quick shake of his head he forced himself to talk like it was the weather. “Long story short, I fought too much and Huxley pulled a knife on me to get me to chill. I cut out the middle man. Ha… ‘cut’.” Kenny shrugged and looked over at Butters again. “Now you know.” 

“Do you want to talk about it? Or did you just want someone to listen?” Butters asks softly. 

Kenny shakes his head. “Let’s just drop it for now.”

Butters nodded. “Can I say one thing?”

Kenny sighs and stares forward at the wall. “I guess I won’t stop you.”

“You’re worth more than forty dollars.”

He felt a pang of something in his chest. New and painful. 

He turns to Butters again. “Anyways, enough of that emo shit. You wanna watch a movie?” 

“Yeah.”

 

“Dude! It was a motion sensor air freshener!” Kenny giggles as they watch their fourth episode of some ghost hunting show.

Butters laughs too, they had gone back for a few more hits between episodes. “I don’t know. With a job as spooky as theirs I can understand why he was surprised.”

“He literally looks like he shit his pants, screaming about a mist ‘manifestation’. Then he tried to be all serious when he said ‘we debunked this as an automated air freshener.’ What a douche.” Kenny says causing the two to burst into laughter again.

“He’s really mean to his friends.” Butters observes a few minutes later.

“Mm.” 

“He’s kind of stupid. He does all the stuff people warn him not to do. Even when the spirits warn him.”

Kenny nods. “Especially when the spirits warn him.”

Kenny sighs and leans against Butters side. “I’ve got the munchies.” He says.

“Is that why I’m so hungry? Is that a thing?” Butters asks, turning to look at Kenny. “I thought that was a myth.”

“No, dude! It’s totally real! Do you have cotton mouth?” Kenny laughs out.

“Is that when your mouth is really dry?” 

“Yep!” 

“Will eating something make me feel less hungry?” Butters asks seriously.

Kenny shrugs. “Not really, but it’ll feel good while you’re eating.”

“Let’s go get snacks.”

“Dude, it’s like eleven o’clock at night. Where are we gonna go?” Kenny can’t keep the amusement out of his voice. 

“I don’t know. Isn’t there a gas station somewhere? Those are always open. I’ve got twenty dollars and I kind of want to spend all of it on snacks.” Butters says dazed but excited.

“Butters! That’s the high talking.”

“No dude! I’m seriously going to die if we don’t go get snacks.” He seemed determined. “Also, I like it better when you call me Leo”

Kenny blinks. “Alright, Leo.” He says with a grin. “Let’s go, I guess.”

Butters whooped in excitement and ran to Kenny’s room to get his shoes and coat. Kenny followed, albeit a bit slower. His limbs were still tingly and heavy.

“So where is everyone?” Butters asked as they began their walk.

“Who knows where the rents are. They like to disappear for a few days at a time. Karen is staying the night at her friend’s house.” 

Butters nods in response. 

“So how’d you convince your parents to let you stay at my place?” Kenny asked.

“They think I’m at Kyle’s. I went over there and we took a couple evidence pictures in case my parents decide to check in with one of us.”

“Kyle’s a good dude.” Kenny says, thinking back to how helpful he’s always been. Especially this week.

They walked in silence for a while after that. By the time they reached the gas station their highs were down to a dull buzz and Butters’ hand had made its way in to Kenny’s.

“I don’t feel like I’m starving to death anymore, but I still want snacks.” Butters said, pulling Kenny into the store by their laced fingers. He smiled at the bored employee, ever the source of fierce positivity.

“Can we get slushies?” Kenny asks. “It’ll help with the dry mouth.”

“Of course! What snacks do you want? I’ll go grab them and you can get the slushies.” Was Butters’ chipper reply.

“Surprise me. What flavor do you want?” Kenny nods to the wall of flavors.

Butters gives Kenny a peck on the cheek. “Surprise me.” He says and gives a wink before bolting down the candy aisle.

Kenny scoffs as he turns to the cups. Who does he think he is acting all smooth like that. Still, he had a smile as he considered what flavors would mix well.

Eventually, he had two clear cups filled with two perfectly swirled combinations of sugary color. He met up with Butters in the snack aisle and almost laughed out loud.

Butters was weighing every bag of chips in his hands to see which one had the most. Kenny shook his head as he approached.

“You know they’re packaged based on weight, right?” Kenny asks.

“Machines make mistakes, Kenny. I want to make sure I’m not just buying air.”

Kenny grabs a tube of pringles and hands them to Butters. “There. The only brand that you’re guaranteed to not be buying air.”

After checking the flavor, Butters seems satisfied with this. As they head to the clerk, he describes what he got. “I got the perfect mix of sour, salty and sweet. I also got chocolate because I just really wanted some.” 

“Jesus, dude. It’s just junk food.” Kenny says but he’s got that happy lopsided smile on his face.

“The perfect balance of flavor is important! If you don’t have a proper variety, you’ll get bored, but if the flavors don’t complement each other, you’ll lose interest in the snacks all together.” Kenny nods along as Butters continues explaining the importance of a good flavor palette even as they exit the store. Eleven dollars and sixty-five cents later.

“I’m glad I was only in charge of the slushies then.” Kenny laughs as Butters rant comes to a close.

“Sorry! I got distracted. What flavors did you get?” He asks as he takes an experimental sip from his cup. He holds it up to look at it. “It’s really good. Pretty too.” 

“Yours is a mix of white cherry, strawberry and Mountain Dew. Mine is sour watermelon, blue raspberry and Mountain Dew voltage.” Kenny says. “They’re my go-to combos. They taste good and they look cool.”

Butters nods. “Then we got the right jobs. Can I try yours?”

Kenny holds his straw up to the other boy’s mouth. The hand closest to Kenny held his own drink and the other was holding the plastic bag filled with their snacks. It’s completely necessary. Kenny thinks. 

“That’s really good! Can we share?” Butters asks and wiggles his bent elbow at Kenny like he’s offering it.

“I guess.” Kenny laughs as he links their arms. “Only if you share yours too.”

Butters doesn’t hesitate to move the arm hooked around Kenny’s so that his straw is at his mouth. Kenny takes a sip and relishes in the hydration the syrupy drink offers. Even if his fingers are cold from holding the drink, he thinks this was definitely a good idea. 

They end up at Kenny’s way faster than he expects them to, and he briefly wonders how that keeps happening. He doesn’t dwell on it though, because this isn’t goodbye yet, he remembers.

They actually use the front door which seems funny to Kenny. How abnormal it is for them to use the door. He laughs and states his thoughts to Butters who laughs with him.

“It’s more fun that way.” Is his response. “It feels like an adventure.”

They go straight to Kenny’s room and sprawl on his bed with the bag of snacks between them. “I guess you were right about the whole balanced flavors thing.” Kenny admits as he finds himself appreciating each new snack.

“I told you!” Butters snatches Kenny’s slushy away from him and takes a long drink. “It’s melting!” He exclaims at Kenny’s offended face. “You said we could share.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you should just take it from me.”

“Oh Geez, sorry, Ken.”

“It’s fine dude. I’m just giving you a hard time.” Kenny says with a chuckle. He glances at his alarm clock. “Wow, I guess it’s really late, huh?”

Butters nods in agreement. “Are you tired?”

He shrugs. “Not really.”

“Me neither.”

Kenny stretches and pushes the snacks onto the floor. 

“Hey, Kenny?” Butters asks from beside him. Kenny is laying with his feet by his pillows and Butters is sat sideways at the foot of the bed with his back leaning against the wall.

“Mm?” Kenny looks up at the other boys purple stained lips, then up to his eyes.

“You remember when we were talking about smoke earlier?”

“Mhmm.” Kenny sits up to face Butters, who’s twiddling his thumbs nervously.

“Are you sober?” 

Kenny has to think for a second, trying to understand what he meant by the question before letting out a soft ‘oh!’. I guess the weed really helped with his confidence. Kenny nods.

Butters sits up a little straighter. He looks Kenny in the eyes and asks the question. “Can I kiss you?”

Yes. Is his first thought, but he pauses. He really thinks about it for a minute. Yeah, I think I’m cool with that. But. “Are you sure you want to?”

Butters looks confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean-“ Kenny looks away, at the wall near Butters head. “Aren’t you worried I’m gonna freak out or something? After what I told you?” 

“No.” Kenny looks at Butters eyes again. “You’re strong. I trust you to tell me no.”

This seems to be the answer Kenny was looking for, because he nods and says “Yeah, you can kiss me.”

Then they’re leaning forward and Kenny feels his heart jump. He doesn’t expect Butters to be so sure. His lips are warm and he’s tilting his head just right to meet Kenny. He kisses him firmly and there’s no fireworks, but Kenny can feel his limbs tingle as he brings his hands to rest on Butters shoulders. Butters has his hand on his cheek and he brushes hair out of Kenny’s face when they pull apart.

It didn’t last more than a few seconds and it was the most innocent kiss Kenny had ever had in his life. 

It was also probably the best kiss he had ever had in his life.

He sighed and opened his eyes to see Butters looking at him with a small smile. He huffed out a laugh and felt heat prickle his cheeks at all the attention. “What?”

“Told you, you wouldn’t freak out.” 

“Shut up.” Kenny says and leans in to kiss him again. Butters responded to every press of lips from Kenny with his own and Kenny’s arms wound their way around his neck. Then Butters was licking his way into Kenny’s mouth and he tasted like slushies and Kenny was running out of breath. Maybe Kenny was getting a little desperate and the kiss was heating up fast but damn had he been waiting for this. 

He didn’t know why he was so scared to do this. It was like the taste of sugar syrup and Butters was erasing the fowl memory that had been stuck in his mouth since Friday morning. With every lick and smack, Kenny found himself unable to focus on anything other than the boy in front of him and he was pushing him back so he could sit in his lap.

They broke apart again to breathe and Kenny dropped his forehead onto Butters shoulder. Butters just rubbed gently at his hips and waited. 

“You ever done that before?” Kenny asks breathlessly.

He feels a shrug lift his head but doesn’t move. “Once or twice.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you?” Kenny looks up to see if he’s serious and Butters has a shiteating grin on his face.

Kenny snorts. “You don’t have to ask to kiss me.” He says instead of answering. He feels a hand cup the side of his neck and nudge him upwards so he was eyelevel with Butters again. There was something so powerful and honest that Kenny almost choked on his breath, but then Butters was kissing him again.

Holy shit. Kenny thinks as he’s kissed with purpose and everything feels so hot. He quickly unzips his jacket and Butters hands trail up his sides and to his shoulders to help remove the too warm coat. Kenny stutters in his movements because Butters hands are moving so slow but they’re so steady and everywhere he touches leaves a blazing trail on Kenny’s skin. Once the orange cloth is tossed to the side, Butters has his hands running slowly up the thighs that are straddling his own and Kenny loses the focus to kiss. The hands on him are scorching away the memory of any others. He can only feel the boy mouthing at his neck and he feels himself gasp and give a tiny moan. Everything is so warm and god it’s been a minute since I’ve done this and he can’t help it when he rolls his hips forward.

He feels a split second of panic where he thinks he’s probably pushing this too far but Butters is still nipping at Kenny’s collar bone and his hands don’t stop massaging their way up his thighs. 

Kenny fists his hands in the back of Butters shirt and rolls his hips again, a little surer this time, and he lets out a low whine. “Jesus!” He whispers as the hands now back at his hips pull him firmly down to meet Butters own. “Once or t-twice?” Kenny questions breathily. 

“Ask me about it later.” Butters says in a low voice that held the same tone from when they were smoking earlier and- “Holy shit.” Kenny gasps as Butters sucks a mark onto his neck and he rolls their hips together again.

Kenny feels Butters hands grabbing at his ass and he grabs his head between his hands and crashes their lips together again as their thrusts meet again. Kenny kind of feels like his brain is shutting down and the only thing he can focus on is where they’re touching. God it’s so hot Kenny feels like he’s melting or at least his brain is.

Butters must have sensed his inner turmoil because next, he’s wriggling his fingers into the back of Kenny’s pants and he’s pushing them down his ass. Kenny lets out a breathy moan at the gesture and gives a long whine when the hands stop. Then there’s a hand in the front of his pants and Kenny gives another desperate moan before he even feels the hand on his dick.

“Shit L-Leo.” Kenny breathes and pushes against the hand on him and Butters. Butters fucking growls against his ear and the hand not jerking him steadily slips under Kenny’s shirt. His stomach twitches against the cold touch and he suddenly realizes that he should probably give back a little something too. 

As soon as Kenny moves his arms from his shoulders to do so, his shirt is swept off and Butters gets to work on the new exposed skin. He sucks a mark onto the junction where Kenny’s shoulder meets his neck and nips across his collarbone. Butters has his free hand buried in the hair at the back of Kenny’s head, not really pulling but gripping it enough to know it’s there. He plants light kisses down Kenny’s sternum and the boy in his lap can’t stop letting out soft, needy moans on the exhale of every other gasp of air he sucks in.

Kenny clutches the bicep of the arm working him over and has his other hand balled up in a fist against the side of Butters neck. His hips snap forward again as Butters clamps around one of his nipples and the hand in his hair shoots to the other. He knows his nails are probably digging into Butters arm and neck but when he goes to apologize all that comes out is a drawn-out moan.

Kenny was growing frustrated, though. Let me touch you back, damnit! Kenny focuses all his effort to force his hands to move to the side of Butters face to direct him back towards Kenny. This caused Butters hands to still as well which helped him get focused, but it didn’t stop the disappointed whine that slipped past his lips. 

“This okay?” Butters asked sounding winded.

“More than okay.” Kenny says and reaches for the button of Butters jeans. “Just a little unfair.” He breathes. He sucks his fingers into his mouth and Butters’ eyes instantly drop to watch, his pupils blown large and dark.

“God, you’re pretty…” he says just as Kenny pulls his fingers away from his lips.

Kenny let’s out a smiley huff but his cheeks flame up red and he has to fight to control his hips at the compliment. 

He reaches for Butters’ hard on and grabs him by the back of the head to pull him forward into a messy kiss that was all tongue. In return he gets a groan and Butters bites at Kenny’s bottom lip, swallowing the moan that follows. 

Butters wastes no time in matching Kenny’s speed, twisting his hand in a way that made Kenny’s stutter. 

Kenny retaliates by shifting his attention to mouthing at Butters jaw. When he reached just below his ear and behind his jaw, Butters head lolled back to thump against the wall. His hand is tangled in Kenny’s hair and he lets out another soft groan but the hand pumping Kenny doesn’t stop. Kenny bit at the newly discovered sweet spot and reveled in a self-satisfied smile when he felt his partners’ hips jerk forward. 

“So good… So gorgeous, Ken.” Kenny moaned at the praise, not realizing it would have such an effect on him. I guess you learn something new every day. 

“’m close.” Kenny whined.

Butters nodded. “Me too.” He went back to marking up Kenny’s collar bone. “Beautiful… so pretty… so sexy.” He mumbled between kisses and Kenny breathed out a moan for every word. “Call my name again…”

“Mm! Leo!” Kenny’s orgasm was rapidly approaching and his legs started to shake under him.

The hand around him tightened. Butters rested his forehead against Kenny’s. “Say it again.” He whispered.

“Fuck… I’m gonna-goddamn- Leo!” His left hand shot up to grasp at his own hair and then Kenny was coming, his whole body seizing up for a second before relaxing. He continued to stroke his partner even as Butters kissed at his shoulders and chest softly. 

Butters came a few pumps later with a quiet grunt. 

He tilted his head to press a kiss to Kenny’s mouth. Kenny wrapped his arms around his shoulders and Butters rubbed his hands up and down Kenny’s sides as they kissed, slow and languid. 

Kenny hummed as he finally pulled away. They grinned tiredly at each other before Kenny made a face. “This stuff is already starting to get gross.”

Butters let out a giddy laugh. “Yeah we should probably get cleaned up.”

Kenny climbed off of his friends lap to get a towel. They wiped themselves off and changed into pajamas. 

“Hey, Kenny.” Butters says as he slips on some sweat pants. Kenny looks up to see the other smiling at him. “Will you be my boyfriend?” 

Kenny feels laughter bubble up and out of him as he says “That’s so gay, dude.” Butters opens his mouth to respond but Kenny pecks him on the lips. “Sure, I’ll be your boyfriend.”


	3. No Legacy is so Rich as Honesty

After walking Butters to the corner of his street, Kenny found himself still stuck on the Huxley situation. It didn’t feel quite like he was going to burst like an overfilled balloon anymore but now he could feel the stress of being stretched just a bit too far. He was of the opinion that he should be over it now. After all, he put it into words. 

Why did he still feel like shit?

Kenny wanted answers. Wanted some kind of explanation, some game plan that didn’t involve fucking offing himself if this shit happened again. His stomach churned at the thought that it could happen again at all. 

He shook his head hard and focused. “Information on Huxley.” He mumbled to himself as he walked. Who would even know anything about him? Who knows everything about everyone?...

“Bebe!” The blond said aloud and turned on his heel to head towards the local gossips’ house.

It didn’t take long considering how small South Park is and the next thing he knew, Kenny was knocking on the door of the head cheerleader.

The door swung open to reveal an unimpressed Bebe in pajama pants and Clyde’s T-shirt. “Kenny, I told you I’m with Clyde again. We can’t-“

“I’m not here for sex.” He said cutting her off. “I’ve actually got my own monogamy thing going on right now…Shit, off track. I need information. You down to spill some tea?”

“Oh! Yeah! Come in, but just so you know this is a tradeoff. I better get details about that ‘monogamy thing’ in return.” She said, air quoting Kenny’s previous words.

“Yeah yeah, only if you’ve got some good dirt on Huxley.” Kenny said, walking through the door and heading to Bebe’s basement.

He heard the door slam shut and then she said, “You mean aside from him being a piece of shit?” She shoved Kenny over where he had plopped onto the couch so that she could sit too.

“That’s common sense, B. I want the real stuff. Family life, secret relationships, recent scandals.”

“I mean I don’t know much about him as a person but I’ve caught wind that his dad is an asshole and super hyper masculine or whatever. Why do you ask?”

Kenny thought about the best way to get the most important bits and settled on being honest but vague. “He’s been up my ass lately and I’m trying to figure out why he’s being such a dick.” 

Bebe nodded in agreement. “Hmm, I have noticed that. I heard he was calling you ‘Mcwhoremick’ and shit. It is weird that he has a sudden fascination with you. Did you try to blow him or something?”

The boy felt like the wind had been knocked out of him but tried not to let it show because he was definitely over it. However, he couldn’t quite hide the hurt and bitterness that poisoned his words. “I wouldn’t voluntarily go anywhere near that asshole.” 

Something seemed to click in Bebe’s head as she paused in realization. Kenny felt piano wire curl tightly in his abdomen as he waited for her to question him further about what that comment entailed. Instead, she said “I think his dad is trying to ship him off towards the military or something but honestly, sometimes I think some people are just a dick.”

Kenny shrugged in response but mentally credited his friend for knowing when to act like she didn’t realize anything. He appreciated it. “That would make sense, though. If he doesn’t feel like he’s the person his dad wants him to be, he could be lashing out. Bottled up emotions and all that psychological shit Mr. Mackey spews.”

“Kenny.”

“Hmm?”

Bebe looked at him, a sense of determination and understanding in her eyes that forced him to stare back. Suddenly, he knew she understood more than anyone. “That’s not an excuse.” She said seriously.

Kenny opened his mouth to argue but she repeated herself before he could. “That’s. Not. An excuse. Nothing excuses that kind of behavior. Don’t even try to convince yourself that what he does is okay for any reason.” 

He felt the tight cord in his belly squeeze a little more. He felt like he would puke. “I know- It’s just. I feel like there’s gotta be a reason people do what he does, y’know? I don’t know.”

“You want a reason? It’s because he’s a shitbag who thinks he can get away with whatever he wants. Let’s kick his ass.”

Kenny barked out a laugh at that. “Let’s call that plan B.”

“What’s plan A?”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I do.” He sighed.

“Hm, that’s fair.” She paused, and then. “So about your thing with Butters.”

“How the fuck-“

The conversation didn’t last long. There wasn’t much to tell considering the whole Butters thing has really been going on for like a week. 

However, he did get some of the information he wanted. He was trying to find a reason to…forgive him. That was supposed to help, right? Forgive for yourself and all that, but the more he considered the idea, the more his blood boiled. 

He didn’t want to forgive Huxley. He didn’t want to just roll on and let him continue to hurt people. He wanted him to pay. To have some sort of consequence. Shit, maybe he should throw on his Mysterion costume and kick his ass like Bebe suggested. 

He huffed a laugh at the thought. Who knows? Maybe he could get Kyle’s dad to represent him.

“Hey Kyle?” He asked. They were at lunch, at their normal table. Kenny had a lunch in front of him as promised. 

The redhead turned to look at him, effectively cutting off the argument he was having with Clyde about his shirt. He was wearing a ‘Taco Tuesday!’ shirt on a Monday.

“Do you think you could ask your dad to do me favor?” Butters looked over at Kenny and squeezed his hand where they were folded together between them.

“Sure, dude. What’s up?” Kyle asked cautiously.

“Yeah, right. Kyle’s dad is a piece of shit!” Cartman shouted from right next to them.

Stan rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, Cartman. All our dads are pieces of shit.” He mumbled.

“Aye! I don’t even have a dad!” Eric yelled.

“My point exact-“ 

“Which means I’m still doing better than you, fatso.” Kyle snapped over Stan.

“Anyways!” Butters shouted over the chaos.

Kenny continued his previous conversation. “I’ll let you know when I know more but I think I need him to help me with some legal stuff. I have no clue how court systems work.”

“What do you need court stuff for-“ A tray slammed down on the table and they all looked up to see Huxley with a sneer plastered on his face. 

Kenny was torn between the urge to crawl under the table and the overwhelming need to try and break the bully’s ugly fucking face. Instead he stayed still and stared straight forward. It was like he was ejected from his body, voices around him muted. He couldn’t feel Butters’ hand in his anymore. Everything was a blur. He said something and then immediately couldn’t remember if he had actually said it aloud. Then he was being dragged from his seat and onto the floor.

An excited buzz filled the cafeteria as something hit his jaw and he just barely registered a dull ache. It was right next to where he had a fading hickey and huffed a sharp laugh at the thought. 

“You think this is funny?” He barely hears and sees a fist collide with the face the words had come from. Whose fist is that? Then he feels sharp bruises start blooming in his stomach, the foot slamming into his abdomen grinding unpleasantly against the taut wire coiled in his insides. 

More hands, kicks halting. Then Kenny is back, supporting himself on bruised knuckles as he turns to vomit. He thinks this should finally relieve his tense insides but he still feels a knotted up ball in his belly, cramping more, the more he retches. 

He feels dizzy and disoriented, like he had just woken up somewhere he didn’t remember falling asleep. Kenny blinks hard as he hears various voices shout his name. He tries to stand and immediately feels the world tilt around him, a splitting pain shooting from the back of his skull. 

“Whoa, man stay down for a minute, okay?” Kyle’s voice.

“Seriously, Ken your head smacked the floor pretty hard. Wait for the nurse.” Butters.

“Holy shit!! That was awesome!” Cartman. Kenny briefly wonders if that’s why his head hurts so fucking bad.

“Are you okay, dude?” Stan asks.

“I don’t know.” He responds as the faces around him come into to focus. “What happened?”

“Holy fuck he’s got brain damage! Oh my god!”

“Move aside!” There’s a new face in front of him that he vaguely recognizes as the bored nurse that worked at the high school. “Can you understand me?” She asks.

Kenny gives a single, lolling nod for her efforts.

“What’s your name?” She asks as she feels around the back of his head.

His brows furrow and he hisses in pain as he responds. “Kenny McCormick. I told you last week and it’s on my I.D.”

She ignores his reasoning. “Do you know where you are?”

“Ow! I’m in the cafeteria of South Park’s shitty high school. Why the hell-“

“How many fingers am I holding up?” She holds up her middle and index finger.

Kenny blinks. “Two.”

“Can you walk?” She asks less frantic than before.

He nods like a bobble head. “Yeah, yeah, just. Just give me a sec I might-“ His eyes find Huxley’s figure standing a short distance away. The feeling of looking up at him like this was too much. His eyes glazed over, stomach lurched and his whole body convulsed as he leaned over to vomit again.

The nurse furrowed her brow as she observed his response, glancing back to look at what triggered it. “Get the other boy out of here.” She says. “He doesn’t have any serious head trauma. I think he’s dissociating.”

Kenny forces himself to his knees like a zombie, Butters immediately sliding his arm around his waist to support him. 

By the time he processed everything for what it was he was sitting on a bed in the nurse’s office. He groaned and wrapped his arms around his own midsection.

“Jesus Christ…” Kenny hisses.

“You okay?” Butters asks from beside him.

“I feel like I got hit by a car.” A feeling he knows well.

“Yeah you got beat up pretty bad.”

“I don’t remember starting a fight. What even happened?” 

Butters hesitated, like he wasn’t allowed to say but Kenny held his gaze until he cracked. “The nurse said I shouldn’t tell you right away ‘cause it might make you freak out again.”

“Freak out, how?”

“Well, y’know. You were all glassy-eyed and you didn’t realize what was happening…” Butters tried to explain awkwardly.

Kenny was silent as he thought back for a few minutes. “I… Knew what was happening, like, I saw it but I guess I just wasn’t… comprehending it? Like I wasn’t actually in the situation, I was just watching it happen.” Kenny thinks that definitely doesn’t make any sense but Butters nods anyways. “I don’t know. I feel like I wasn’t there.”

“Well if you want a playback, I think it’s all over half the schools’ snapchat.” Kenny let out a snort. 

“Wanna let me borrow your phone?” Butters was already unlocking it.

As he scrolled through the names, presumably to find a good video of the fight, he said, “Huxley slammed on the table and you went all vacant just before he said something about you getting on your knees. Then you said something about his dad and he dragged you away from the table and…” He held his phone out and Kenny watched himself get punched in the face. His chest puffed and Huxley yelled something, Kenny got a good punch in before the larger shoved Kenny onto his back, his head bounced off the linoleum with a dull thunk. Then he watched as Huxley kicked him in the stomach until he was pulled off. 

“Gross.” Was Kenny’s only response.

“Yeah.” Is Butters’ only response.

While Huxley gets suspended, Kenny finds himself looking into what it takes to have enough evidence to press charges or whatever the fuck he’s supposed to do in his situation. He’s lucky enough not to get suspended since he was barely a participant in the fight.

The issue was that he has nothing. No case to go off of. With no evidence or struggle from the first situation he had nothing. Any validity from the last time was lost when Kenny offed himself. It’s no good. Legally a lost cause.

He tells Kyle what happened anyways. It took him two days but he’s able to address it now. It gets easier to talk about the more he does. It becomes less like a vice on his insides and more of a dull ache that he can forget about most of the time. The huge waves have become a gentle tide with the passage of time. The crushing pressure begins to fade with the support of his friends and boyfriend. 

He doesn’t think he’s traumatized or anything. But still. He can’t shake a certain level of anger and bitterness. A terrible disappointment at the fact that nothing is going to happen to Huxley. He just gets to keep doing what he’s doing and Kenny has to live in fear that a white pickup could round the corner at any moment. That it could chase him down so easily. 

He tries to distract from this seething rage by dropping by Butters’ place while his parents are away on a trip. It kind of back fires when he breaks the news that he can’t do anything.

Butters was pacing before him angrily. “I can't sleep. It's only 11 but I have school tomorrow. I don't even care. I need to go for a walk to cool down or make myself tired or something because my mind won't be quiet. I can't just sit here. All I can think about is how or where or when or who and I can't escape the thought of it no matter how hard I try to distract myself. I can't even imagine how you feel.” 

Kenny watched, fascinated. He’d never seen Butters so angry before. He felt bad. Butters was always so happy, it was so jarring to see him break that character. For Kenny of all people. “It’s okay…” he said softly, trying, weakly, to pacify the angry teen.

“It’s not okay. The system we have sucks. You haven’t gone to the police because it's not like it's any use because they don’t even want to do their jobs! A complete kit is out of the question at this point and because you’re a boy they won't take you seriously and I just can't imagine why there are people in the world who lie about such a thing. Stuff like this is unacceptable and honestly I don't even know how to articulate how I feel about the entire ordeal.”

Kenny felt his chest squeeze as he watched the other rant. “Don’t get upset over me, it’s fine.”

Butters stopped and looked at his boyfriend incredulously. “It’s not your fault, I just care about you so much and I hope to god you can get closure for this. If you don’t address it or get your feelings out it's going to stick with you for a long time. It already is. Gosh, I want to protect you but I can't protect you from something that's already happened.”

“Protect me?” Kenny mumbles and he starts to tear up because he’s protected so many people but he’s never had someone want to protect him before. He didn’t realize how much he needed that. The reassurance that someone cared. Someone wanted Kenny safe.

“I can't change it or erase it from time and I can't express how angry I am. I feel guilty and useless and mad. I'm running out of things to say. It sucks because my mind is still racing!”

Butters was flailing his arms, searching for the words as Kenny stepped right up to him. He grabbed the sides of his head and pressed a hard kiss to his mouth. “Thank you.”

“I can’t stand it.” Butters whispers in the space between wet kisses. “You don’t deserve that.” He mumbles and wraps his arms protectively around Kenny’s middle, pulling him close and whispering against his mouth. “You are worth so much more.” Butters buries his face in Kenny’s neck and holds him tightly. “I just, love you so much, Ken…”

Kenny froze, his entire body seizing up for a second. “You what?” He barely huffs out.

Butters pulled back to look the other in the eye. “I love you.” He says it like it’s obvious. Like he’d been searching for an answer that was right in front of him and Kenny is leaning forward to kiss him hard. Pushing him back onto the bed and crawling into his lap because Kenny doesn’t think he can say it back. Knows he can’t yet but he still wants him to get it.

He desperately kisses the other boy and guides the hands on his sides to touch him because me too me too me too and it’s all Kenny can do to not yell in frustration when Butters gently pulls Kenny’s head away. 

They’re both gasping, close enough to feel the others uneven breathing when Butters meets his eyes again. “I know.” Butters breathes after a moment. He grins and repeats himself. “I know, Kenny.” 

Then Butters is closing the space between them and touching Kenny with just as much desperation. However, when he lays back, pulling the other boy with him, it’s not pressing. It’s a gentle encouragement. His hands sneaking up the back of his boyfriend’s shirt and coaxing him closer. One hand slides down Kenny’s side and grips the back of his thigh before flipping their positions. 

Butters allows the smallest of hesitation at the change of position, only continuing once he notices no signs of discomfort. Kenny pulled and clawed at the other’s shirt until he leaned back to remove it. In return, Butters slowly pushed his boyfriend’s shirt over his head and peppered soft kisses over his jaw and neck once it was off. 

His light pecks quickly devolved into lingering, openmouthed kisses along the teen’s throat. Kenny gasped and rolled his hips up towards the boy on top of him, feeling one hand caressing his upper thigh and another working towards his chest. He let out a small whine when Butters finally settled at his nipple while sucking a mark onto Kenny’s collarbone.

Kenny wasn’t used to this kind of soft, loving intimacy and found he was way more sensitive in his hazy state. A hand was now kneading at his ass as Butters trailed wet kisses down his chest, stopping only to leave a hickey every few inches. He felt warm all over because of all the affection. He moaned softly while his boyfriend continued to lick his way down his body, one of his hands working his belt open. 

Butters presses a sloppy kiss to the other’s naval, his stomach muscles flinching at the attention before he glances up to meet Kenny’s eyes. He bites lightly at the bit of elastic where his boxers peak out from under his jeans causing Kenny to let out another moan.

“May I?” Butters asks softly and holy fuck he’s gonna have to have a little talk with anyone who’s ever claimed asking permission can’t be sexy because god damn. Butters sounds like he just cleared a bong and he’s looking at Kenny like he’s the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.

He needs to take a second to catch his breath before he rasps out a “Hell yes.” 

Kenny feels like a fucking virgin with the whine he gives when Butters’ fingers curl under the hem of his jeans and underwear. They’re gone so fast, or Kenny has just gotten used to the slow pace his boyfriend has set because it feels like half a second before his pants are of and Butters sucking bruises into his inner thigh. 

All the attention is all at once overwhelming and pleasurable at the same time. Kenny is so used to taking care of his partner that letting someone else take control is unfamiliar. He doesn’t know what to do with himself but he’s hot and pleasantly surprised by how good it feels to just enjoy the sensations of someone focused on making him feel good.

Kenny sighs out a moan when the other blond goes down on him and a slick hand brushes against his ass. He only pauses at his entrance to ask “This still okay?” Kenny feels too winded and unfocused to do anything other than nod quickly in response.

He sucks in a harsh breath when he feels a finger press into him, a hand in his own hair, the other against the headboard so he can press further against his boyfriend.

Butters pulls off of him to kiss back up his abdomen as he continues to work his fingers into the other. They’re mouths are pressed together again and Kenny groans into Butters’ mouth when he feels another finger join the first.

“Shit, Leo.” Kenny pants at the feeling of being worked open at an agonizingly slow pace but unable to complain because of how loving it feels. Kenny whines and rocks back onto deft fingers when he feels something along the lines of ‘beautiful’ muttered against his neck. He’s pulling at the sheets under him and keening at the praise when another finger is added.

He starts blindly pushing at the other teens hips in an attempt to get his pants off because Kenny is pretty sure that the pace that their going is bordering on torture and also he just needs something to do with his hands to make sure they’re not completely useless. He fumbles with the zipper and barely manages to get it down before he’s clawing mindlessly at Butters’ sides. A cracking moan tumbles from his mouth as the fingers inside him find his prostate. Once it’s found, Butters’ movements become slow and deliberate. There’s just the slow push and pull of his hand. The shallow friction has Kenny canting his hips for more, but his boyfriend keeps up his own pace, fingertips brushing purposely against his sweet spot every few thrusts.

“Leo, please! I-“ Kenny’s plea is cut off by Butters shushing him quietly. 

“Let me take care of you, Ken. Gonna make you feel so good.” He curls his fingers as he speaks. His voice is low and encouraging as his free hand splays across the other’s midsection. His touch is slow and exploratory. Kenny thinks he might go insane if he has to wait any longer, twitching helplessly at the ministrations. He wonders distantly where the hell Butters learned to do this.

Kenny whines in both relief and disappointment when the hands leave him. He takes the opportunity to catch his breath as his boyfriend kicks his pants the rest of the way off and produces a condom from his nightstand.

Kenny huffs, “I can’t believe your parents let you have this stuff.”

Butters snorts in response as he positions himself between the other’s legs again. “They don’t.” he says simply.

Kenny almost asks for further explanation but his dick is achingly hard and he’s beyond prepped and he really doesn’t want to be made to wait any longer. So, instead he takes a steadying breath, nodding in response to his boyfriends’ sincere question of “Ready?”

Butters presses into him slow but consistent and Kenny’s toes curl as he feels the other bottom out. Their foreheads press together as he adjusts,

“You feel so good,” Butters sighs, “You’re doing so good for me, Ken.” Kenny smiles at the praise and squeezes around the other. The affect is immediate. Butters’ hips surge into action, forcing the breath from Kenny’s lungs on a groan as he grips his boyfriends’ shoulders for support. 

“Jesus!” Kenny gasps, the exclamation is swallowed down by the mouth against his. All he can really do is try to grind against the others’ thrusts because Butters fucks like it’s simultaneously his first and last chance. He rocks into him with purpose but holds and kisses Kenny like he’s a treasure. 

Kenny’s never understood the appeal of ‘making love’. Never considered a real possibility, just some cheesy phrasing to get someone into bed by making them feel special. But this, here and now, he almost feels overwhelmed with emotion. The amount of thought and care put into every movement between them, he could almost feel the intention behind each action. If ‘making love’ didn’t exist, then this is damn close to anything he could ever imagine it being. 

He feels Butters stutter in his movement, feels heat pooling low as he nears his orgasm. 

“Kiss me.” He gasps out, and he doesn’t have to ask twice. Butters kisses him slow and deep and suddenly his name is falling from Kenny’s lips as he comes, whole body seizing up. Butters’ head falls to Kenny’s shoulder as he groans through his own climax. 

Kenny finds himself hugging the other teen against him as they catch their breath. He finds himself trying to make his mouth form the words. The phrase that Butters can say with such confidence, such certainty. His sentence just gets caught in his throat, though. It lodges there and chokes him. Makes his eyes burn and his lungs feel as if they are empty. 

Instead, he just clings tighter as Butters rolls them to the side, to cuddle more comfortably. Well, as comfortable as one can be, sticky and pressed up against another sweaty body. 

Butters’ parents were going to be home soon, though, and they still had to clean up. The last thing they needed was to be found like this. So, reluctantly, they begin to make themselves a little more presentable. 

“So,” Kenny offers once he’s dressed, “wanna go smoke some weed with Stan and Kyle?”

The other boy snorts and laces their hands together. “Absolutely.”

 

Tweek, Craig and Token had decided to tag along at Kyle’s offer. They make it about halfway through their blunt when trouble strikes. Cartman had shown up uninvited to mooch off of other people’s drugs, but that wasn’t what had Kenny freezing halfway into his second puff before he passed. 

What had him turning stiffly away from the road leading to Stark’s Pond was the loud, screeching arrival of a pickup truck. A white pickup truck that was becoming all too familiar. Everyone in the circle grew tense as Huxley stumbled out of the drivers’ seat, leaving the door open and the ignition running. 

“Mcwhoremick!” The teen slurred as he stomped towards the group. His gait was sloppy and uncoordinated. Had he been drinking?

“Fuck off, Huxley.” Craig called, monotone and without even pausing his lean towards Tweek, shotgunning his hit into the blonde’s mouth. 

“Stay out of it, Tucker! I’ve got a bone to pick with trailer trash here!” He growled, coming to a stop a few feet from where Kenny stood. His hair was standing on end and panic was beginning to ebb its way into his mind.

“What? No Pussy Pack to back you up?” Cartman sneers and Kenny never thought in his life that he’d appreciate one of fatass’s stupid ass remarks.

“I don’t need them, to kill one scrawny waste of space.” 

“We’re warning you, dude.” Token cut in, “You throw one punch and you’ll have all eight of us on you.”

“Wow,” Huxley drawls in a flat voice, “You sucking all their cocks? Whoring yourself out ain’t gonna protect you. Because of you, my Dad is shipping me off to join the military on Monday!” He screams, swaying on his feet.

Kenny has had enough. Enough taking the blame. Enough waiting for things to straighten themselves out. Enough laying down and taking this shit. He felt a sudden rush of rage. Vision going red for a split second as he stood and balled his hands into fists at his sides. “Last time I checked you were the one who decided to assault me on school grounds, dumbass.” 

“Damnit! I’ll show you what you can do with that smartass mouth of yours, you-“ His advance toward Kenny was interrupted by a sharp crack of Butters’ fist colliding with his nose. 

He stumbled backwards with a curse, clutching his bloody face. Steadying himself, Huxley blinked his attention on Butters. He spit out a mouthful of blood before charging at the other teen, only to be sent careening backwards and onto the dirty floor. 

Kenny stood over him, knuckles already turning a dark, ruddy purple from the contact with Huxley’s jaw. Said teen looked dazed for a moment as he lied on the ground, head lolling for a moment before he tries to push himself up again.

“Stay down, man! Gah!” Tweek warns but the bully is already lunging for Kenny’s legs. 

He sidesteps the drunk teen easily, steps behind him and kicks him in the back, knocking him face first into a pile of leaves and soot. If Kenny wasn’t fuming, he’d have stopped there. But he didn’t.

He delivered a harsh kick to Huxley’s side. Then another as he curls in on himself in pain. Kenny huffs a laugh. Pain. He thinks. I’ll fucking show you pain. Then everything went black.

 

The first thing Kenny is aware of is two sets of arms holding him back. Then he sees Huxley on the ground, unmoving. Token speaking on the phone. Someone asks if he’s okay and he nods dumbly.

The ride to the police station is a blur. Interviewing everyone seems to take forever, even without Huxley conscious to tell his side of the story. Not that it mattered with eight testimonies against him. 

By the time he feels like he’s fully present in his body again, he’s walking home with Butters. They walked in silence towards Kenny’s house until Butters’ phone chimed with a text.

“I guess Huxley is going to be in the hospital until he leaves.” The teen mutters as he glances over the text.

“Damn.” Is all Kenny can bring himself to say in response.

“Yeah…”

It’s silent for a few more minutes before Butters speaks again.

“I feel like he’s getting off easy.”

Kenny shrugs. “Well, we broke his nose and two ribs. So, he’s not getting off that easily.”

They come to a stop in front of Kenny’s window out of habit.

“Right but, that doesn’t really feel like justice, y’know? Now he gets to go get trained to kill people or something and then he’ll be an honored veteran and that just doesn’t seem right.” Butters rambles. He holds Kenny’s hand as he speaks.

“I agree.” Kenny says, leaning in to give his boyfriend a kiss good night. “Justice isn’t a luxury people like us can’t afford. At least we got to kick his ass.” He mutters.

Butters pulls him into a hug, speaking into Kenny’s shoulder. “And hopefully we’ll never have to see him again.”

Kenny hums as he pulls away and begins climbing into his window.

“I just wish that wasn’t the best we were gonna get.” His boyfriend finishes. 

“You never know. Karma can be a bitch. Maybe he’ll be killed in action or something. I hear getting shot to death is pretty painful.”

Butters gives him a flat look at that. Then he’s leaning in for one last peck before saying, “Alright, I’ll quit holding you up. You better be at school tomorrow.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Kenny responds sarcastically.

“Mmhmm. Good night. I love you.” Butters says.

As he turns away, Kenny chokes a quiet, “L- love you, too.”

For second, he thinks the other didn’t hear, but then, a blinding smile lights up his face. Kenny can’t help a grin of his own as he closes the window behind him.


	4. Authors commentary/Disclaimer:

Alrighty! I just wanted to say that I definitely am not, by any right telling the story of every sexual assault survivor. I don’t claim to know how others deal with trauma, however, I wanted to tell the story of how Kenny deals with trauma. Not only is he such an interesting character to explore, he already has so many traits established as well as the ability to change these traits! He’s such a fluid character and his development throughout this story is really what drove me to finish this story. It helped me channel a lot of uncomfy feelings that A LOT more people than I’d like have to deal with.

So, Huxley. Clearly he’s an OC specifically for this story. I by no means wanted to give Huxley an excuse. I was not validating his actions. However, he is a person, with motivation and trauma of his own and I really hope that came across well, even if I kept it pretty subtle. I often find myself able to sympathize with villains and antagonists throughout media and I often find those the most realistic and the most interesting. I did keep it pretty cookie cutter however, mainly cuz I wanted to focus more on building my interpretations of Kenny and Butters as teens!

That brings me to my final point, I am fully aware that these characters are based on children, however the characters I wrote in the sexual situations included in this story were changed and portrayed as such. I gave them the mental and physical maturity of young adults because these are adult issues. I DO NOT condone or encourage putting children in sexual situations, hence why the characters were aged up. I felt it was necessary to include Kenny’s sexuality in the story because it’s something that is heavily impacted by the type of trauma he experienced and I wanted to present how he was impacted in every aspect.

Anyways, thank you for reading! There are some cheesy bits, I know, but I am ultimately proud of this work. If not for the final product, then for the extreme inspiration I had for it. I started this story a year ago. I sat down and spent 36 hours straight typing out 23,000 words. Then I was unhappy with some of it and DELETED 6,000 WORDS. And then I just couldn’t add to it until now. So essentially, I wrote this in two sittings and I think that speaks a lot for the love and inspiration I had for this story. 

Anywho, comments are always appreciated! Hit me with some feedback if you’ve come this far!

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any thoughts I'd love to read them! Feel free to comment!


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